Page 12 of South Beach Bodyguards

Stupid. It was stupid to picture myself in that role, but really, was it so different from wanting to bang the latest hot Hollywood actor? Plenty of girls my age wanted to do that. They wanted the doctor or Sherlock or Thor or whoever the latest hottie character was on screen and it was a fantasy, nothing more. I wanted to hook up with Ryan, so what? Except I wanted more than that. That’s what made it stupid. And spinning visions of the future with someone who didn’t really know you existed was very middle school of me.

Mom was right. I should have dated more in high school.

I cleared my throat, not wanting to actually go over to the bed and wake Ryan up. He didn’t move. So I said, “Ryan,” except it was nothing but a whisper. Yet somehow he heard me. He jerked awake and sat straight up.

“What, what’s wrong?” He reached to the nightstand, as if he were looking for his phone. Or a weapon, I realized when he was already putting his feet on the floor. “You okay?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “I, um, am not exactly sure what happened last night.”

“You don’t remember anything, Julia?” He stood up, and the white towel that had been loosely wrapped around his waist came untied. He grabbed at it, held it to him, but the slip of the fabric exposed his waist, his hips, his thighs. I was seeing about ninety-five percent of Ryan naked, save a couple of very important parts, and it was glorious. He had a tattoo on his thigh, another on his chest. My dry mouth started to water.

Then I realized what he had said. Julia. He had called me Julia. My eyes shifted up to his face with horror. Oh, my God, had I done a Julia? Had I gotten trashed and given him my drunk name, which of course he knew was not my name, and convinced him to take me home with him? It was worse than I’d thought. More than embarrassing. It was mortifying. Like pray the floor opened up and swallowed me.

He didn’t look like he was making fun of me though. It was more like concern on his face. But then again, Ryan was a stoic man. He didn’t tease and laugh, not that I’d heard, and my mother and his father had corroborated that. Maybe he was mentally laughing or wincing but he was just too nice to say it out loud. I imagined me stupidly hitting on him, Ryan taking me home to protect me from predatory men. Ryan treating me like the hot mess that I was.

“No,” I said. “I don’t remember anything after walking my dog yesterday. I had weird dreams and then…” I gestured to his room. “Here I am.” There was no way in hell I was admitting that Julia was my drunk name, but I didn’t want him to know that I would do that when I was drinking and wanted to get my sexy on. So I asked, “So why are you calling me Julia?” Hopefully I sounded somewhat innocent.

“That’s what you said your name is. You were very insistent. Given that you got hit on the head, I didn’t want to upset you any further.”

That gave me pause. “I got hit on the head?” That seemed like something I should remember. Like having sex for the first time. If Ryan and I had hooked up, surely I would remember losing my virginity.

His towel slipped further. Yep. I would remember that, I was sure of it. Or at least I would feel it or something today. I was pretty sure that given that Ryan was a proportionate guy, it would have had an impact. It would fit, because it was designed to fit, but that was no small first dick to climb. My cheeks started to burn in both embarrassment and lust. I wanted to remember feeling that. Dang it. That would be the cruelest irony of all, if I finally got a night with Ryan and I didn’t remember it.

We hadn’t hooked up though, I was sure of it. He wouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t Ryan’s style and I was pretty sure he didn’t find me even remotely attractive when I was coherent. Woozy and whatever else, he definitely would not have found me sexy. Plus he wasn’t a man to take advantage of a vulnerable woman. I just knew that about him.

“Sorry,” he said, and he shifted the towel to his ass as he turned and went over to his dresser. He pulled a drawer open and retrieved briefs, stepping into them.

I didn’t look away. It seemed beyond my will power at that point. He was drool-worthy gorgeous, with a body like an ultimate fighter. He was just so big everywhere. The kind of man who made me feel petite and womanly. His ass was bare for a split second while he pulled his briefs up and I wanted to dig my nails into that flesh, just to feel something so hard. My body was like a memory foam pillow. You pushed and it sank, before rising back up. His looked like steel.

When he turned back to me, his underwear hugged his body, outlining that intriguing penis and showing off washboard abs. How did those abs even happen? Seriously. It was crazy. I had lost the thread of our conversation completely so I just stared at him, enjoying the view while he redirected me.

“Your mom found you at the bottom of the steps in the house, bleeding and disoriented. She’s not sure what happened to you.”

Neither was I. That was disturbing. “I don’t remember that.” I cast my memory back but all I kept getting was me and Buster strolling, a doggie poo bag dangling in my hand. Then it was just the hazy dreams of me naked, the pizza, smiling at Ryan… Suddenly I wondered if that was actually a dream. “Why am I here?”

“Because there is some question of whether or not it was intentional. My father thought it made sense to keep you safe here until we know for sure, and I agreed.”

That was alarming, on how many levels. I swallowed an uncomfortable lump and tugged at the neckline of Ryan’s shirt. “Why would I be in danger?” And good Lord, how long was I supposed to be shacking up with him? I didn’t think I could behave normally for very long. Not that I was even now. “Where is my dog?”

I knew I had to be have been out of it if I willingly left Buster behind.

“I’m sure your mom took the dog with her. She’s staying with my dad.”

That didn’t sound like firm knowledge. “But you don’t know that? I need to call her.” I felt my pockets, where I usually tucked my phone when I wasn’t carrying a purse. Nothing. “Where is my phone?” I was starting to panic. I could feel it crawling up my throat, tightening my airway in its wake. I hadn’t had an anxiety attack in a long time. Over a year. But I felt it happening now and I started to see spots, my heart racing, breathing labored. I knew that if I didn’t get a grip, it would spiral out in an asthma attack and I had no clue where my inhaler was.

Suddenly Ryan was in front of me, his large hands swallowing my arms in a firm grip. “Hey. Look at me.”

I was having trouble focusing, but I found a spot on his chin where he had a scar and I stared at it, trying to calm my breathing. I could hear the ragged wheeze rattling in and out of my mouth and it scared me. Struggling to calm myself down, I listened to his voice as he said firmly, “You’re okay. Your dog is okay. You know your mom wouldn’t leave him home alone. Your phone is in the living room.”

That relieved me somewhat, but the panic had already gotten a grip on me, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I lifted my gaze to Ryan’s eyes and I tried to communicate without words that I needed help. His hands lifted and cupped my cheeks. They were so big that he encircled my entire face and his thumbs ran over my cheeks, back and forth.

“Shh. Take a deep breath. Not a small one. A deep one. You’re okay. Breathe with me.” He drew in a deep lungful of air.

I tried to match his movement, but my throat closed off. When I started to tense, he shook his head. “Don’t fight it. Just breathe in. That’s it. Breathe out.”

I finally got a full breath into my lungs and it helped to calm me down. I stared into his hazel eyes, focusing on the ring of amber than encircled his pupil. His eyes were concerned, caring. It made me feel better. The tension in my shoulders eased and I realized that I had been digging my nails into his forearms. I dropped my arms quickly. I nodded, needing to reassure both him and me. “I’m okay.”

“You’re okay.” Ryan lowered his hands to my shoulders and pulled me into a loose hug. “Shit, you scared me there for a minute.”

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