Page 54 of South Beach Bodyguards

The corner of her mouth turned up in smile that showed she was pleased with my admission. “Why is that so scary? I already love you, Ryan. So it’s not one-sided.”

For a woman half my size, she packed a hell of an emotional punch. “Shit, Isabel. You’re making this really hard. You shouldn’t love me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I bring one thing to the table.” She was easing her body up against mine and I set her firmly away from me, starting to feel desperate and angry. She couldn’t force this to happen. She couldn’t force me to lose control of myself and get all caught up in sex and emotion. I had a job to do. “The one thing I can do is protect you. By staying away.”

“I don’t need to be protected.” She reached for me again, like her protests changed something, which they didn’t.

I exploded. I didn’t mean to, but I did. “That’s not the fucking point!” Turning to the couch, I yanked the throw blanket off of it. “Please put some real clothes on. I can’t even think.”

The blanket I hurled at her hit her in the tits and slid down to the floor. She made no move to pick it up.

“What is the fucking point? What did you come here to say, Ryan?”

She was so calm it made me even more frustrated. “I had one job! One goddamn job! To keep you safe and I couldn’t even do that.” I closed and opened my fists over and over, adrenaline pumping through my veins. “I failed. That is all I have to offer to you and I couldn’t even do that.”

Isabel looked shocked. “Why do you think that’s all you have to offer?”

“I’m not smart or educated or good-looking and I make shitty conversation. Look, I like myself just fine, so don’t mistake what I’m saying. This isn’t about me. This is about you and what you deserve.” I rubbed the back of my head. “It’s important to me to be able to protect you, because it’s something I’m good at. And I failed.”

For a second I could only stare at Ryan. The tiles were cold on my feet and I had sweaty palms from my impulsive move of wearing nothing under my robe, a gift from my mother. I hadn’t intended to do that when he asked to come over, but then when I’d heard him pull in the driveway I had thought maybe if he saw me as he had that night he’d come home and I was in his shower, he would forget about all his noble intentions.

But I had never suspected that he was actually feeling like he wasn’t manly enough. Ryan wore masculinity like a cologne. He was rough and raw and hard and covered in calluses. He was the epitome of the testosterone-driven male. What did he think he was supposed to do to protect me? I had to live a life.

My issues were not with the fact that Juan had targeted me to get a gun back from Ryan, they were from Ryan getting out of bed and leaving me alone. I was angry because he made me feel everything and then he gave me nothing.

It was one thing to never see me again after our night together, but I had wanted closure. A tender kiss, a goodbye, an opportunity for me to say thank you. He had fucked that up by taking off under the bullshit cover of his job.

Then he hadn’t even bothered to check on me after Juan attacked me. I knew he had heard I was fine from my mother and Mickey, but that was beside the point.

I ignored the blanket he bent over and tried to hand me again. In front, I unbelted the robe and dropped my robe entirely. My nudity didn’t feel vulnerable. I felt powerful. For the first time, I realized that we were actually equals. It wasn’t me asking Ryan for a favor. It was me figuratively standing head-to-head with him and telling him what I felt. He needed to stop viewing me as fragile.

“Is,” he said, the words ground out. “How am I supposed to talk when you’re naked?”

“Because you need to see me. The real me. Really see me. Stop thinking of me as a little girl. I can take care of myself.”

His nostrils flared. “I don’t see you as a little girl. Trust me. And you couldn’t take care of yourself that night Juan was there, waiting for you.”

“You couldn’t have known about Juan,” I started, intending to expand on that, but he cut me off.

“I should have. I talked to my dad about doing a background check on him. Did Mickey do it? I don’t know. I never asked, because I was too busy touching your naked body.”

“I forgive you,” I said, because I realized he didn’t want me to keep protesting. “But I also accept responsibility for distracting you.”

He shook his head and made a snorting sound. “You don’t get it.”

“Explain it to me.” I tried to keep my voice soothing but Lord, the man was stubborn.

Ryan looked agonized. “I will die if something happens to you again. When I realized you were in danger, when I saw you on the floor.” He gestured wildly to the floor. “Lying there, tears on your face, I wanted to kill Juan. And I couldn’t stand that I couldn’t keep you safe. But then I realized you had been put at risk because I was too much of a pussy to spend the night with you.”

“Why couldn’t you spend the night with me?” I went on my tiptoes and touched his cheek. “I don’t bite.”

“I’ve never done that. Ever. With anyone. I don’t think I… can.”

The agony in his voice brought tears to my eyes. I instantly forgave him. I had asked for more than he could give and that wasn’t fair. “I’m sorry I didn’t understand that. And I’m sorry I’ve pushed you so hard into all of this.”

Now I did reach down and pick up the blanket. I wrapped myself, tears silently falling down each cheek. “You’re right. I do deserve more. I deserve big love, the kind that is offered freely because some guy can’t contain his happiness. Not tentative, let’s see how it goes dating. I want stupid, crazy, irrational love. I want a Taylor Swift song and I want cuddling and laughter and stupid nicknames and texts where we miss each other for no reason. Maybe that’s childish and naïve and unrealistic, but I want that. If you can’t give me that, I’ll wait for the guy who can.”

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