Page 9 of Regret

“I’m okay. You can help if you want,” I say, so many things going through my mind about what I want to say right now since we’re alone.

Valor nods his head as he makes his way closer to me and grabs a box to put together. He patiently waits for me to say what’s on my mind as he works on emptying out my dresser. I hate putting clothes in boxes, something he knows, but I’ve given the girls the laundry baskets we have to use. I have no choice in the matter as he packs everything in the box.

“Valor, what happened that day with the house bunny? The one I told you about when she was soaking wet,” I finally ask him, pain filling my voice to let him know how much he hurt me with that one moment of time.

“Why are you askin’ about it now? You’ve had years to talk to me about this and haven’t ever asked about it,” he questions me, the look in his eyes filled with questions about why I’m choosing now to ask this question instead of leaving it alone like I have for so long.

“Well, the girl rubbed it in my face for months that she was fucking you right before you left to move to Pine View. When I was at the clubhouse yesterday, she finally told me that you didn’t fuck her. Not that day or any other one either. So, if I didn’t see what I thought I did, I’d like to know what was going on. You don’t owe me any kind of explanation and if you don’t wanna tell me, then don’t. I was just curious,” I say, my voice almost a whisper as he moves to sit closer to me on the floor.

“I have nothin’ to hide, Love. She came up to me after I got done workin’ on my bike. That’s why I didn’t have my cut or tee-shirt on. I was sweatin’ my ass off and took them off in the barn where I was workin’. She had rushed outside because she was doin’ laundry and somethin’ happened with the washers she was usin’. They flooded the laundry room and that’s not a joke at all. There were four washers goin’ at the same time and each one sprung a leak. She couldn’t get the water shut off and didn’t know what to do,” he tells me, looking me in the eyes so I can see the truth of his words as he fights with himself to grab my hands. It’s in the way he fidgets and keeps clasping his own hands together. “So, I went in to get the water shut off so I could figure out what the hell was goin’ on with the washers. It turns out that the lines had ruptured. We don’t know why, but it wasn’t anythin’ someone caused. Slim thinks they simply got worn out and ruptured. We should’ve had them replaced before then considerin’ it hadn’t been done before then.”

“I heard about that. Shy was pissed because all new washers had to be bought when the lines ruptured. If they had hooked the old ones back up, Slim told her they would’ve caught on fire from the damage done to them,” I tell him, remembering how pissed Shy was for weeks about that shit. We all wanted to laugh, but one look from her and it didn’t happen. No one wants Shy pissed off at them. “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst when I saw you. I guess my nerves were raw after finding those letters to Kasey and knowing that even though I had been falling in love with you, you could never give me your heart because it belonged to someone else already.”

“Pine View isn’t that far from Cedar Bay. I know you realize the Wild Kings boys went there and started a club. They’ve finished the job Vault started. Well, I spent time with Kasey when she was havin’ problems with Anthony. It made me realize somethin’ very important,” Valor says, not taking his eyes off of me as tears fill mine with the thought of him and Kasey being together. “I was never in love with Kasey. I was in love with the idea of bein’ with a girl who already understood what club life is about. And I know how sweet and lovin’ she is. At that point, Anthony was still nothin’ more than a dumb fuck and he was destroyin’ her life with how he was treatin’ her. I wanted to save her from the heartache he was bringin’ to her. Instead, I realized the one I love is you. Why do you think I call you Love?”

“You don’t love me, Valor. We’ve spent a lot of time together and you helped me with the girls. If anything, you love the girls and the feeling you get when you spend time with them. We’re not a replacement for your family and I won’t have them realizing that’s what you’re doing,” I state, knowing the Valor doesn’t love me and it shatters my heart all over again because I want him to love me so much and it will never happen.

“That’s not what this is, Savannah. Every single day I spent with you, you worked your way past all the defenses I put in place and never realized that’s what I’d done. The girls are nothin’ but a bonus. You’re the one I want and one day I’ll make you see that’s the truth. If I didn’t want you, I wouldn’t have jumped on my bike the second Ava called me to tell me how she found you. I would’ve called Slim here and made sure you got the help you needed and then checked in to make sure you were okay. I love the girls with everythin’ I am, but they’re not who makes me want to be a better man. You are. For the last few years, I’ve dreamed of you, thought of you when I was at work, and wondered how you were doin’.

“The entire trip here, I couldn’t focus on what the fuck I was doin’ because my mind was so consumed with all the possible injuries you had. I’ve never been so fuckin’ scared in my life, Love. Savannah, my life is nothin’ without you in it. I’ve missed you so fuckin’ much over the years and I couldn’t bring myself to reach out to you because I didn’t want to hear that you’d moved on and were happy. It would’ve fuckin’ killed me. So, I stayed in Pine View and made sure that you got to find your happily ever after. Now, I know that you’re meant to be with me. You’re mine, Savannah and I’m gonna prove it to every fuckin’ day,” he says, leaning forward and pressing his soft, full lips against my forehead as I close my eyes from the close proximity of him to me after so long.

Yeah, he’s taken care of me and helped me any way he could since showing up at the house. This is different. Valor’s not taking care of me or anything like that. He’s kissing me because he wants to. I’m so fucking confused and don’t know what to think or do now.

“Actions mean more than words, Valor. You know that more than anyone else,” I whisper, opening my eyes to look at him where he’s crouched down in front of me.

“I know they do. And I’ll show you with my actions that you’re the one I want. The girls and you are my family and it’s not because I’m tryin’ to replace the family I’ve lost. I haven’t lost anythin’, Love. Our mom died when we were little and it’s been Dad, Vault, and me for most of my life. I’ve had the club surroundin’ us and that’s all I’ve ever needed. Dad might no longer be here, but it doesn’t mean I’m tryin’ to replace what I had with him and my brother. No one will ever replace him and I know that as much as you do. I want to create a family with you and the girls. To support and love you for the rest of my days and add children to our family,” he states, standing up and moving back to the dresser he was packing into boxes.

For the next few hours, Valor and I work in silence. Every time I finish a box, Valor tapes it up and stacks it in the corner of my room. He’s definitely done more work here than I have. By the time we’re done with my bedroom, I’m hurting, exhausted, and in need of a shower. Valor helps me back to the room downstairs and leaves me to shower alone. He knows I’m not ready for anything with him right now and won’t push me. Valor will never push anyone to do something they don’t want to do because it’s just how he is. It’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with him to begin with.

Chapter Seven

Valor

I WASN’T EXPECTING Savannah and I to talk about what happened with the house bunny in the clubhouse that day. She was quiet when she got back from the clubhouse two days ago and I had a feeling it was about the house bunny, but no one but Shy and Gwen knew what happened between Savannah and the woman. They weren’t gonna tell us what was said because it happened to Savannah and it’s her place to talk to who she chooses about it. I know it doesn’t change anything between the two of us, but it’s a step in the right direction and one we needed. We’ve spent the last five years apart because of a misunderstanding with the house bunny and feelings I thought I had for someone that weren’t real. I wish we would’ve talked about this shit when it happened, but that’s not how Savannah is. My love has to sit and think about things which typically leads to her getting lost in her head and imagining things being even worse than they are. In this case, she wasn’t exactly wrong, but the last five years have changed me and there’s nothing I won’t do to show her how I feel and that I’m serious about her being mine.

After we packed up her bedroom, I knew she was done. Savannah pushed herself and ended up doing way too much when she should’ve still been taking it easy. That’s why I left her in the bedroom downstairs to take a shower and go to bed. The girls were already asleep after packing their bedrooms up and getting everything ready for the move. Honestly, I’m not surprised they didn’t put up a fight to move away from Benton Falls. If any of them would have done that, it would’ve been Ava. She’s just as stubborn as Savannah most days and she’s built a damn good life for herself here in Benton Falls. However, she’s also very smart and I know she’d realize this situation is serious and a change needed to be made in order for them to be kept safe from any harm finding them.

I slept on the couch so I was the first person anyone trying to break in would see. Chrome and Court are still outside the house. They’ve barely taken a break since we got here. Court refuses to leave me alone at the house. He keeps telling me he’s my best friend and he’s not gonna leave me here on my own if this Conrad fucker shows himself and tries to get near my girls again. He stays out of the way and Ava’s really the only one who’s seen him. She was sitting on the porch when he walked around the house during one of his patrols. Ava screamed and I raced out to find Court standing a few feet from the porch with his hands in the air and fear filling her face. He hates that Ava got scared when she saw him and has tried to remain invisible since that day. Even after Ava apologized and told him she didn’t hear him walking up because she was lost in a book and spotted him out of the corner of her eye. Court is a big man and hardly makes a sound when he moves. Hopefully things will change when we get home because he’s my best friend and I plan on him being in the girls’ lives so they’ll need to be used to one another.

After barely sleeping on the couch again, I got up and made the girls breakfast for the last time in the kitchen here. This is their home and sanctuary. Savannah made it the safest place she could once they got settled in here and it’s only gotten better since I’ve been gone. Conrad took that from my girls and I want to gut him for that reason alone. I know I can’t because of his father, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about everything I want to do to him so he suffers and all of his victims finally get the justice they deserve to have.

Unfortunately, Conrad hasn’t shown up near the house since he beat the fuck out of Savannah. Fox put up extra cameras and a few are pointing up and down the road. He monitors them from his office and the rest of us have access on our phones. I’ve been watching them way more than I should each night, but I wasn’t here when Conrad did this and I’m not going to miss him. He won’t get close to my girls and hurt them even more than he already has. Savannah might be the one he put his hands on, but Ava, Miracle, and Chloe are hurting just as much because they found their sister unresponsive in their home while she was covered in blood. It was scary as fuck and Miracle has had more than one nightmare about it. I’ve sat up with her a few nights and made sure she could get back to sleep. When I can’t sleep myself, I walk the interior of the house and triple check all the windows and doors so Conrad can’t get in that way.

Each of the girls makes their way in the kitchen when the smell of me cooking starts to fill the house. Savannah still hasn’t made an appearance, but I’m not surprised by that. She was up really late and in pain. I’m going to let her sleep in as long as she can.

“Good morning, Valor,” Ava greets me, walking up and looking in the pans on the stove. “Breakfast smells good.”

“Thank you. I know we have a big day today and I want to make sure you girls eat before I get your sister up. I’m gonna take her to the school so she can get what she needs to enroll you in Pine View. Shy and Slim are gonna come hang out with you. Rayven and Kinsliegh want to see you before we leave later today. You’re gonna see the guys comin’ in and out of the house so they can load up the trucks with everythin’. How much do you girls have left in your room to pack?” I ask her, putting my arm over her shoulders as Miracle and Chloe start setting the table for us.

“I’m done. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would to pack everything. Miracle needs some help and I planned on doing that after breakfast. I think Chloe is almost done. When we’re ready, I was going to start packing everything down here so Vanna doesn’t have to worry about it,” Ava answers me, her voice almost a whisper as she looks over her shoulder at the girls who are just sitting down at the table.

“Good. Let’s get breakfast,” I say, turning off the burners as the girls bring their plates over to me and I give them a little bit of everything.

This morning we’re having potatoes, eggs, sausage, and toast. It’s quick and easy to make so we can get our day started. I want to be in Pine View today, but if we’re not, that’s okay. I have to think of Savannah and make sure she’s comfortable on the trip. I’ll be driving one of the trucks and my bike’s already been loaded in the back of it. All the guys here are gonna escort us home so we’ll have plenty of escorts if Conrad somehow manages to discover that I’ve taken my girls out of Benton Falls and home where they belong.

Killer and Stryker are the only ones who won’t be in trucks or SUVs for the trip. They’ll be on their bikes in case we get followed by anyone. Killer will take off after whoever’s following us while Stryker remains with the rest of us in case they use one vehicle as a distraction and then come out of nowhere with a second vehicle. This trip, I don’t need anyone from Pine View to meet us. Slim let me know the entire club is going with us so they can check out everything in Pine View. With the boys getting older, they want to see our clubhouse and check out some of the businesses we’ve started. I think they wanna see the small city at the same time so they can start making plans for when they move down there permanently.

“Morning,” Savannah says, walking into the kitchen dressed in clean clothes and her hair wet from the shower she just had.

---