Page 28 of When Love Is Lost and Found

"How did you find out?"

"She told me all about Jimmy on the plane. It was a five-hour flight. We practically exchanged life stories."

"What am I going to do?" I ask, feeling anger, frustration, and sadness bubble up inside me.

"You're going to sit her down and tell her everything."

"I tried," I say. "She said she didn't want to know anything about the accident. She's afraid that it'll wound her even more."

"If you don't tell her, she will never forgive you."

"Did you hear what I said?” I ask, exasperated. "She said she doesn't want to know."

"She will want to know this."

This meaning it was my fault. This meaning I was not able to save him.

"Jon," Loren begins when she sees what must look like guilt reflected on my face and sheer torment in my eyes. "I've heard you screaming Jimmy's name at two, three o'clock in the morning when you're in the middle of a nightmare."

"I'm sorry."

"None of it. Hear me, Son. None of it is your fault, but you must tell her."

"How? How am I going to tell her that I caused Jimmy's death?"

"It was an accident, Jon. You're just a boy and have so much life ahead of you. You're going to have to let go of that guilt before it ruins your future."

***

After last night's conversation with Loren, I'm thankful when I wake up and realize I had a dreamless night. I also realize I overslept. It's almost eight when I get up and take a quick shower.

I stop by Loren's before walking the short distance to my parents' house.

"Good morning, Loren."

"Good morning," she says when I walk in. "Do you want some oatmeal?"

"As tempting as that sounds," I say, laughing, "I think I'll pass. I'm running late, but I wanted to let you know I'm going to New York next weekend. Let me know if you need me to take care of anything before I go. And I'll make sure to mow the lawn before then."

"Don't worry about the lawn," she says. "I'll call Robert and ask him to put me back on his rotation."

"I'm not leaving for good," I say. "Just for that weekend."

"I know, but now that your parents are back, you might not have a lot of free time on your hands."

"When school starts up again, it might be a different story, but for now, I'm available whenever you need me."

"Thank you," she says. "Now go. They're probably waiting for you."

Sharon is the only one in the kitchen when I get to the house.

"Where is everyone?" I ask.

"Your mom and dad left about five minutes ago, and Noah is still sleeping."

"They left? Where to?"

"They said they were going for a walk at Lost Pond."

---