Page 82 of When Love Is Lost and Found

"Sharon," his voice is tentative. "I need to talk to you about something important, and I'm afraid it can't wait."

"Okay," I say. "What is it?"

I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for him to continue.

He sits in a chair and clasps his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I was a cop for twenty years before I met your mother. I still think like a cop, and I don't like ambiguity when it comes to the facts of a case. Any case."

"I don't understand."

"When you moved to New York and called to give me your new address, you mentioned the name Linder.”

"Yes, you said it sounded familiar, and I told you I had probably mentioned it before."

"Right. Well, it kept nagging at me. When Jimmy died, I had only been married to your mother for a short time. You and I were just getting to know each other. I hardly knew Jimmy before he left. I didn't feel it was my place to ask questions about what happened. Linder was the name of Jimmy's friend in boot camp."

"I know. That's how I heard about the job. I still have the letter where Jimmy told me that Jon's parents were looking for a nanny. What is this about?"

"I reached out to a friend I have in the Marines, and he was able to get me the full report on what happened the day Jimmy died."

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle, my breathing quickens, and my hands get clammy.

"I don't know how else to say this, Sharon, but Jonathan Linder is responsible for Jimmy's death."

"You're wrong," I say. "Jon was there, but what happened to Jimmy was an accident."

"It was classified as a training accident, but there's more to it than what they released to the public."

My heart is now in my throat, and I feel an overwhelming sense of dread wrap itself around me like a snake suffocating its prey. I want to leave. Escape. Be anywhere but here, but my legs will not move.

"Jimmy was the last man left inside the sinking vehicle. He couldn't get out because the tethering device attached to him and his pack got hooked on a piece of equipment, and he couldn't remove it in time.”

A wave of nausea threatens to overtake me.

"He was working in pitch-black darkness and running out of air. To free himself, he would have had to cut the tether. He was able to find the sheath, but the knife wasn't in it."

"What does that mean?" The panic in my voice makes it unrecognizable to my own ears.

"Sharon, the knife was missing."

I shake my head, still not understanding. "What does any of this have to do with Jon?"

"Jimmy's knife was found in Jonathan Linder's pack. It's all in the report."

I feel bitter bile rise to my throat, and the room spins right before I vomit all over my mother's bedroom floor.

"I'm sorry, Sharon," Rick exclaims, running to the bathroom. I can hear him turn the water on. He returns with a damp towel and hands it to me.

"I felt you should know," he says, sitting beside me.

"I don't understand. I don't understand."

He puts his arm around my shoulder when I start crying. Loud guttural sobs I can't control. I cry into the damp towel before wiping my mouth with it.

I look at Rick, expecting an explanation.

"Jon said he had no idea why he had possession of Jimmy's knife. He said he was unaware that the knife was in his pack. One can only assume he picked it up either by mistake, thinking it was his, or with the intent of giving it back to Jimmy, but that never happened. The knife was found in Jon's pack during the investigation. Jon got struck in the head during the accident and was unconscious for a couple of days. He said he doesn't remember how or why he had Jimmy's knife, but whatever the reason, it cost Jimmy his life. "

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