Page 81 of When Love Is Lost and Found

"Did Daddy know?" I ask. That is the one thing I really need to know.

"I told him years ago," her breathing sounds labored. "I was certain that if he knew, he'd stop putting you before me, but it made no difference to him. It put a wedge between us, but his love for you only grew."

"He loved me," I smile.

"You ruined my life, Sharon. I want you to know, and I want you to remember it."

"I will remember it, Mom. It will remind me to be a good mother to my own children someday. I'm sorry that my existence made you bitter. I wish you could have loved me, but Daddy loved me enough for both of us. Grandma Katherine was the mother you refused to be. I was loved, Mom. Despite you, I was loved in abundance, and my ability to love others wasn't stunted by your refusal to be my mother."

"Are you done?" she asks. Her pale skin is now an ashy gray

I nod, refusing to cry in front of her.

"Good," she says, "because I haven't even started yet."

She coughs and then smiles. Her teeth are stained with blood. She coughs again.

"I'm getting the nurse."

I walk to the door and look back at my mother, knowing this will be the last time I will ever see her.

I wait until she lifts her gaze and glares at me. Her beautiful eyes are filled with hate, fear, tears, and torment, but not love.

"I love you, Mom, and I forgive you."

***

It’s the day after Mom’s funeral, and Rick is worried about my lack of emotion.

"The way you're reacting to your mother's death is not healthy," he says. "It's been a week, Sharon, and you haven't cried once."

I'm in her bedroom, cleaning out the remainder of her closet.

"Would you like to look through any of these things before I put them in bags?" I ask Rick when he pokes his head in.

"How's it coming along in here?"

"Jon is picking me up in an hour to go drop everything off at the donation bin."

"Do you want to keep anything?" he asks.

"No," is my short answer.

"What about her jewelry?"

"I'm not keeping anything," I say. "If you or your sister want something, feel free."

"What will you do with the house?" he asks.

"You can keep it," I say.

"What do you mean, keep it? With your mom gone, your father's assets are now yours, including this house."

"You can stay. My life is in New York. Jon and I are leaving in a few days. I would rather you live here than leave the house empty or have to rent it out to strangers."

"I can be your tenant. I'll pay you rent."

"I don't need the money," I say. "Please stay."

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