Page 32 of When Love Is Lost and Found

"Finish your breakfast, Sweetie," says Mrs. Linder. Shay can take you upstairs after you're done with your breakfast, and you can practice writing your numbers and the alphabet.

"I want to go swimming," says Noah.

"Maybe you can go in the pool later," says Mrs. Linder.

"I already know how to write my name."

"How about if we practice writing your last name today?"

"Linder," he says.

"Yes, exactly. You can practice writing it and then work on adding numbers together."

When I glance at Mrs. Linder, she has a worried expression on her face but still manages to mouth a quiet "thank you."

I nod and smile.

When Noah drinks the last of his milk, I pick up his bowl and cup and take them to the sink.

"You can leave them, Shay. I'll wash them."

"Okay," I say. "Are you ready to go upstairs, Sweetie?"

"I guess," he says, climbing off his chair.

"Come on, it'll be fun."

"I doubt it," he says, making Mrs. Linder and me laugh despite the tension in the room.

***

While Noah works on tracing words in his workbook, I straighten out the bookshelf, pick up his toys, and organize them in the toybox.

I keep replaying this morning's events repeatedly in my mind, trying to figure out what happened. Did I say something wrong? Jon went white as a ghost. I think it happened when Noah said he wanted to go swimming—the pool, water, the accident.

"Can I go swimming today?" asks Noah.

"Maybe after lunch," I say. "As long as it's okay with your parents."

"Okay," he says, going back to his workbook.

"Hi, you two," says Mrs. Linder, cracking open the door to the playroom. "What are you two working on?"

"I learned how to write my last name, Mommy."

"That's pretty impressive," she says. "Shay, Jon would like to have a word with you."

"Let's go!" says Noah, jumping to his feet.

"No, Sweetheart," says Mrs. Linder, "We'll go downstairs in a little while. I want to color one of those dinosaurs in your coloring book. We can put it up on the refrigerator."

"You can color this one!" Noah says, holding up a page with an image of a brontosaurus on it.

"Go ahead, Shay," she says. "He's in the office."

"Come in," Jon says as soon as I knock on the door.

"Hi, your mom said you wanted to speak with me."

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