Page 106 of When Love Is Lost and Found

When his lips leave mine, I miss them. His gray eyes are expressive, full of what I've learned to recognize as unconditional love.

"When you look at me," I begin, "I feel beautiful and cherished. I can be secure in who I am and who I want to become."

"Who do you want to become?" he smiles and pulls me close.

"Mrs. Linder and the mother of your children. With you, I found the type of love I thought I had lost forever. If God gives me a day or a hundred years, I want to spend them with you. You were not my first love, Jon, but I have no doubt you are my last."

One Year Later

Jon

Sharon's grip on my hand has cut off all circulation, but I don't care. It's the only thing I can do to help. Now I understand why Mom didn't want more children. How do women put themselves through this more than once? I'll never know.

"Come on, Babe," I plead, "One more push."

"That's easy for you to say!" Sharon's green eyes are wide and filled with panic. Her face is flushed and sweaty, and her black curls are sticking to her cheeks and brow.

"Come on, Sharon," Allison, the midwife says calmly. How can she be so calm? "You're almost at a full ten, Sweetie. One good push, and you'll be fully dilated and ready to push the baby out."

"I gotta push again!"

"Okay, good, do it. Push!"

"Aaagh! It hurts so bad!"

"I know, but you can do it. Come on, push!"

"Come on, Babe. You can do it!"

"One more push!" Allison exclaims. "There's the baby's head. Look at all that hair!"

I look down just in time to see my baby enter the world.

"It's a girl!" I scream. "It's a girl!" It doesn't take long for me to start crying. I wipe the tears away and look at my beautiful wife. She's laughing and crying too. She lies back on the pillows, exhausted, as Allison hands her the wailing baby. I'm in awe. This living, breathing human being was inside my wife's body just a second ago, and now she's her own separate person, perfectly tiny and pink. She has jet-black hair, just like her mother's. I can't help it. The tears are flowing as I touch her tiny fingers to confirm they're all there and then do the same with her toes. She's perfect.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Sharon asks. "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?"

"I have," I say, looking into my wife's emerald eyes. I reach over and pull a damp curl behind her ear. "You. You are the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen."

"You're just saying that because you feel guilty," she laughs. "You did this to me."

"I'm so sorry, Babe."

"I'm just kidding. Come here."

I lean down, kiss her, and then look into her eyes, which are now twinkling with happiness.

"You did so great. I'm so proud of you."

"It was hard, but I can't wait to be pregnant again."

"We can start practicing as soon as you recover," I say before winking at her.

She smiles shyly, and I kiss her again. This time I kiss her slowly and thoroughly.

After they weigh and measure the baby, they hand her back to Sharon. I sit next to them as Sharon puts the baby to her breast and the baby starts nursing. They both instinctively know exactly what to do. And there, I watch the special mother-daughter bond begin while I'm just a spectator, watching the whole scene unfold but not having the right to participate.

"You want to hold your daughter?" Sharon asks a few minutes later.

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