Page 143 of More Than Words

“I have been,” she mumbled into my shirt, her fingers tracing the wet spot her tears had left behind. “I went to talk to someone on Friday, and I actually talked to him this morning, too. Then I went to the meeting, knowing I’d rather be here instead. It didn’t seem like it was going well, but then my phone started buzzing…”

“And you saw all my text messages,” I deduced, knowing it had to have freaked her out. I didn’t want to burden her, but I also didn’t want her to find out through a voicemail from the daycare that Fin was sick and radio silence from me.

“I wish I would’ve been here.”

“Is.” I hated she continued to second guess herself. “You can’t be everywhere for everyone all the time. Sometimes our jobs are going to take us away from home, and we need to be there to support each other without freaking out. You can’t run home every time something happens.”

“I didn’t just come home early for her,” she whispered. “You may have thought I was being an overly reactive parent, but you were part of my reasoning, too. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I shut you out because I was afraid you would leave.”

“You may have shut me out, but, Is…” Pulling her back from me, I grasped her shoulders and leaned down to look into her eyes. I wanted her to know I meant the next words I told her. “I’m not leaving.”

“I know you’re not. And I need to believe you when you tell me things. When you told me you wanted to marry me a few weeks ago, I panicked instead of talking to you about it. Then I was so worried you’d change your mind that I refused to bring it up again. But…” She averted her gaze, but I saw the tear slip down her cheek.

“I meant what I asked you a few weeks ago. If you wanted to, I’d marry you today,” I whispered, using my fingertips to tilt her face back toward me. “Well, maybe tomorrow since we need to go to the pediatrician and I’m sure the courthouse closes at 5.”

“Ask me again when I’m not so much of a shit show,” she whispered back, her palm rising to cup my jaw.

“I’m not waiting that long,” I teased, but she smiled, so I was considering it a win.

She may be lost now, but she wouldn’t be forever. Isobel had finally taken my hand to find her way out of the darkness, and I was ready for both of us to find the light. Together.

ISOBEL

Boston

Adrian proposed again at the end of the summer, and this time I said yes without hesitation.

The man deserved a medal for putting up with me some days, but he had his moments as well. Like when he met my parents for the first time when they’d been in Boston to meet their granddaughter when she turned 6 months old, and he told them that if they couldn’t accept their daughter or ours that they could fuck right off back to Iowa. I agreed with him a thousand percent, but I was afraid it’d be the thing that finally severed my relationship with my parents.

Thankfully, my father had been impressed by his protective streak and was not offended. My mother tried to hold a grudge, but he won her over too with how dedicated he was to Finley. It would have been nice if they’d attempted to meet her sooner, but their behavior wasn’t something I could—or wanted to—control. I wouldn’t keep them from their grandchild, but I wasn’t letting them make me feel guilty for my choices any longer.

Garrett and I had still been meeting weekly, but I’d finally let go of the past and started to enjoy my present. Baby steps had gotten me to a place where I felt healthier asking for help and giving myself grace when I needed it.

Finley was getting huge, no longer the tiny fragile baby who was born a month early, and now topping out the growth charts. She’d started talking too, and of course, her first word had been ‘Dada’, closely followed by ‘shit’, but neither of us was taking credit for that one. At least it hadn’t been Dickhead.

She was walking now too, which was fun since she seemed to have a well-developed sense of adventure—meaning she liked to randomly run off in public to make adults catch her.

“You ready?” Adrian asked, wrapping his arms around me from behind. His hand settled on my stomach, and I tried not to let the butterflies overwhelm me. Or send me to the bathroom again.

“I thought you weren’t supposed to see me until later?”

“You’re not in your dress yet, and we’ve got the next thirty minutes alone. Are you saying you want me to leave?”

I was in that awkward transitional phase where I was a combination of terribly nauseous and horny. We hadn’t told anyone we were pregnant again, but my growing midsection was going to clue people in as soon as I wore something other than high-waisted skirts and dresses to work. There was only so much I could do to conceal the two little people who’d surprised us with their appearance a few months ago.

“I literally just threw up three minutes ago.”

“And you brushed your teeth and used mouthwash. I don’t see what the problem is here. Are you saying you don’t want me to make you come before I’m kicked out of this room? It’d add to that whole blushing bride look.”

“You’re terrible.”

“And you’re gorgeous.” His hands started to slowly draw up the flowy sundress I’d tossed on earlier when Hutch had come to retrieve his niece so we could get ready for the wedding.

“Are you still going to be this attracted to me once I’m not pregnant again? You seem to have a bit of a pregnancy fetish,” I laughed as his fingers slid underneath my panties, slowly pressing inside me.

“Are you forgetting how you keep getting pregnant? Pretty sure I just can’t keep my hands off you, period.”

We hadn’t planned this pregnancy, but birth control failures seemed on brand for our relationship. This time it hadn’t been a vanishing IUD. Instead, we’d had an acute case of food poisoning that had apparently rendered my birth control pills ineffective.

---