Page 53 of Bound By Words

Her eyes widened again, and she blew out a labored breath, her cheeks puffing out slightly as she tried to relax her posture.

“We can return to being friends, or friendly acquaintances or whatever, for the length of my stay. I’d still like to get to know you, Kelly.”

“You just won’t have sex with me again.”

“Correct.” As much as it’d fucking kill me. And as much as I’d likely lock myself in my trailer at night and fantasize about being with her with my cock in my hand. I’d have to leave her alone if this weren’t what she wanted. The big question was if I could follow through and keep my hands off her. My self-restraint had been obliterated in seconds last night.

She sat quietly, avoiding looking at me by fixating on the fireplace across the room. This wasn’t how I’d anticipated this discussion going, but it was a lot of information for her to take in. Maybe she was still not in a headspace where she could process something like this. Walking away now would be the responsible thing for me to do. I needed to give her space to heal from what’d happened to her in the last week, not try to convince her to enter a dynamic with me. No matter how phenomenal I knew she’d likely be or how I could picture her thriving in a relationship with me.

It wasn’t my choice to make.

“It’s okay, sunshine. I shouldn’t have offered. Let’s just leave this alone. Would you still like to eat dinner with me this evening? I can run to town if you give me a shopping list.”

Starting to rise from the couch, I reached for our discarded plates. I knew I need to give her some space, so I moved to clean up my breakfast. Clearly, I’d overstepped.

“Wait,” she whispered as she gripped my wrist. “Please don’t go. Show me this list.”

As I looked back over my shoulder toward her, I saw the nerves she’d been holding fade away, a look of fierce determination taking over her striking features. Maybe I’d underestimated her.

KELLY

Connecticut

Nathan stopped, glancing over his shoulder before setting our plates back on the coffee table. Slowly turning toward me, he pinned me down with a significant look. While he didn’t say a word, I could tell he was trying to see how serious I was about this.

When he’d mentioned a checklist, I’d panicked, realizing that maybe I was in over my head with him a little. I was intrigued, and the words he’d said the night before had gotten me so turned on it was crazy, but entering a relationship like that with him—even temporarily—was intimidating as fuck.

“You’re serious about this?”

Swallowing past the nervous lump in my throat, I nodded. “Yes, I’m serious. Nervous, but serious.”

His body relaxed as he sat back down at the opposite end of the couch, careful not to touch me. My shoulder still tingled from the lingering kiss he’d placed there moments ago, but I didn’t doubt his commitment to keeping his hands to himself for the time being. The needy part of me wanted to throw caution to the wind and crawl across the cushions and into his lap, using my tongue to prove how serious I was about exploring this with him, but I knew he’d shut that down before I could even get my lips near his.

“Nervous is understandable. I’m a little nervous, but I want you to take this seriously.”

Nodding, I cleared my throat, picking at the sleeve of my long-sleeved top. “I will. I promise. Now, how exactly do we do this? Is there a contract I have to sign first? A non-disclosure agreement or something? Do I need to get a physical or a wax or something?”

He chuckled, shaking his head at me with a little roll of his eyes.

“Kelly, this isn’t some Fifty Shades nonsense. We both need to go into this with our eyes open. The checklist is necessary, but I trust you enough to keep this strictly between us. If you want a written contract drawn up, that’s pretty standard, but it won’t be legally binding. It’ll simply detail our arrangement and the terms we agree on for our dynamic.”

“But…” I started, but he held up his hand, interrupting me.

“I’m not going to play with you until we’ve had a frank discussion about your needs and mine because we’re equals in this equation, but I’m not interested in owning you.” He smiled. “Maybe just controlling you a little.”

“And we can’t…” I trailed off, tilting my head and making a vaguely suggestive gesture with my hands.

“You know that I want you,” Nathan laughed, clearly amused by my reactions. “I’m not going to deny that. I’m just making sure you understand that I’m not entering a dynamic with you without going through at least a checklist and a conversation about limits. This isn’t a lifestyle to jump into without preparation. If you truly want to learn more, I’ll ensure you have the resources, but I’m not touching you like that without at least implicit consent and some planning.”

I frowned, realizing this lifestyle might not be as spontaneous as I assumed. “But I thought this was something where you’re in charge, and you tell me what I should like.”

“And that is why I’m not touching you as a true Dominant right now. You’ve got a lot to learn, and I can only help you with so much. If you truly want to dive further into this after we leave here, I’ll put you in contact with Talia, but I can’t be your mentor and your lover. It doesn’t work that way.”

I nodded, thinking for a moment. What he said made sense, but I’d never considered playing like this with anyone but him. Did I really need a mentor? “And I need one of these mentors?”

“It depends, but I’ll at least introduce you two, and she can be someone who you can feel comfortable directing questions to if you don’t want to ask me. If you decide this lifestyle is something you want after...” Nathan trailed off. I didn’t want him to finish that sentence because I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but him.

“How will that work with us out here and Talia in Boston? Does she even know we’re…together…like that?“ My cheeks heated up a little at the idea of letting someone else into this relationship or whatever it was this was evolving into.

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