Page 129 of Mark my Words

It was easier to stay down here where I wasn’t right on top of people. I could have stayed in the guest bedroom near my parent’s room, but the basement had always been where I hid from my sisters anyway, so I didn’t mind. I also knew that the thumping coming from my parent’s room wasn’t a ghost like my sisters led me to believe when I was younger.

“Sucks that your date wasn’t able to come.” She frowned, picking up the pillows the boys had knocked to the floor and fluffing them before stacking them back on the arm of the couch. I knew she wasn’t digging, but I’d been closed-lipped around my family since the move. Claire knew when something was bothering me, but I was afraid to confess how much of a disaster I’d turned my life into.

“Kelly’s got this big project due, and I didn’t want to drag her away from the office to do me a favor.”

“So you two have been spending a lot of time together lately?”

“Don’t,” I warned as I shook my head, not wanting to get into this conversation with her. Mom was bad enough with the questions and far less subtle. “Kelly is just a friend. She felt sorry for me not knowing very many people yet and offered to come with me to the wedding, only so I didn’t have to fly solo. We booked separate rooms at the hotel. It is most definitely not like that between us.”

“Didn’t you two go to that engagement dinner in Minneapolis together too?”

Where I ended up getting my heart ripped out by the woman who I still somehow have feelings for because I’m clearly a glutton for punishment.

“Don’t you start too. I’m single. It’s fine. Mom already has enough grandkids. She doesn’t need me to give her any.”

“We all just want you to be happy, Sam. I know she pressured you to come back home more often, but if this job makes you miserable, we’d understand if you didn’t stay in Chicago. If going back to Boston would make you happy...”

“It’s not the job,” I sighed. I was becoming a grumpy asshole because I was depressed and felt stupid for falling in love with a woman who pushed people away when things got hard. “The job is actually pretty amazing. I’m just having a tough time letting go of things I shouldn’t have gotten attached to.”

“That sounds like there’s a story.” The sheer amount of barely restrained interest on her face made me cringe. Claire had always been able to get information out of me.

“There was a woman in Boston...”

“I knew it!”

“Seriously?”

She cringed, miming zipping her lips, and motioned for me to go on.

“We were both up for the same promotion, and she got upset when I took the position in Chicago.” It wasn’t the whole story, but I was embarrassed to confess my self-destructing role in our relationship.

“Oh, come on! That can’t be the whole thing. What’s her name? Is it that Kristine you went on the book tour with? Are you in love with her? Why didn’t you invite her to the wedding if you’re dating?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “We’re not...we weren’t dating. She...” I didn’t even know how to explain what had happened between us without making her look bad. We were both guilty of screwing this whole situation up. I wasn’t honest with her about my feelings or the job in Chicago. And she never let me past her defenses enough to trust me.

“You love her.”

“What?”

She smiled, reaching forward to grab my hand. “A big sister knows these things. Maybe you need to talk to her.”

“God, would all you women quit fucking meddling? She doesn’t love me. Well, she does, but it’s all fucked up, and she won’t really talk to me. It’s over. I just need some time to move on. She’s made it clear she wants to move on.”

“Don’t close that door yet, Sam,” she urged, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “Sometimes, you just need to step back to get a little perspective on life. Things will work out how they’re supposed to, you’ll see.”

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, I sighed as I recalled the past twenty-four hours. My mother had been in rare form, taking every opportunity to poke at me when I’d shown up without a date this weekend. Kelly had originally agreed to be my plus one, and I knew it was a pity date, but I’d hated that I couldn’t use her as a shield this weekend, as shitty as that sounded.

If she were here, I wouldn’t have to answer the questions from my mother about why I was still single. Like I was supposed to fall for the first woman who showed interest since I’d moved to Chicago, and fast forward to a quickie wedding and two kids. I’d told her that Kelly was only a friend, but after the trip to Minneapolis and all the time we had spent together lately, my mother was convinced I’d been lying to her.

I’d told Claire more than anyone else in my family, but I didn’t really tell her anything. She’d told me to keep my heart open, but I was struggling.

The truth was, I was still hung up on the woman I’d left behind in Boston who crapped all over my heart and used me. The note crinkled in my pocket everywhere I went for the last several weeks, and I knew it was pathetic that I’d been carrying it around like some lovesick douchebag. I’d become that guy. The one who let a woman break him, but I couldn’t close the door. Kristine would always be the one who got away. Whether that was my fault or hers was up for debate. I’d missed the opportunity, and she’d made it clear that our night together in Minneapolis was goodbye.

Standing at the door to the ballroom on my way back from the bathroom, I watched my parents on the dance floor for a moment before I resumed my pathetic seat by myself at our table. My oldest sister, Becca, and her husband, Keith, had been keeping me company now that dinner was over, but I still felt like a third wheel. They should be enjoying their time away from their three boys, and she was still stuck babysitting her little brother even twenty years later.

My sister smiled brightly as I turned toward the table, waving me over as I planned my speech for cutting out early. Brett and his new bride had already made the rounds to the guests on our side of the room, so it’s not like anyone would care if I left.

“Hey! I was wondering if you’d run away,” she laughed as she lifted her wine glass in a mock toast. My sister had been enjoying the freedom of being out without kids and an open bar. “Sit down, sit down. Tell us about your new apartment again.”

---