I knew in that moment that we were done. She was done, gone back to her life with the valet as her best friend and a bunch of other people she kept at a distance. What she didn’t get was those people didn’t hold her at a distance and cared for her greatly.
That’s the effect she had on people. It’s definitely the effect she had on me.
Sitting back up, I went back to work, dismantling people’s lives and dissolving their families. It paid the bills, but I wondered if I’d ever build my own family amongst all this ruin.
Adam
Six months later
“How are you feeling today?” my shrink asked, peering at me over her red-framed glasses. She had this weird habit of cocking one eyebrow over the frames that drove me absolutely crazy.
“Like I don’t want to be here,” I said truthfully.
“You say that every week, yet you keep showing up.”
This made me laugh.
I’d been seeing Shiraz Shehady since I returned from the Caymans. I’d asked around for the best therapist in the area, and her name kept popping up. Of course, her client list was full, and then I explained I’d be self-pay at twice her hourly rate. I also mentioned I needed to hurry and get my woman back, which helped. Shiraz must be a softie at heart.
Sinking deeper into the leather couch, I let my head fall back and blew out a breath. “Trying to be a better man, that’s all. It’s a grind.”
“It is, but is it worth it?”
“If I get the woman back. She never returns my texts or calls.”
Shiraz leaned forward, staring pointedly at me. “You need to be doing this for you, Adam.”
“This coming from you, who signed me up when you heard about my love woes.”
She giggled softly, and I imagined her husband was a lucky man. Shiraz was married to an orthopedic specialist. They had two little boys at home, and I didn’t know for sure, but I envisioned it to be a happy home.
“Well, I am rooting for you, but I also want you to be comfortable with yourself and your choices. The guilt you walk around with isn’t doing anyone any good, especially you.”
I blew out a long breath. “I wish I could be more like Cal, loving life and not worrying.”
“That’s not your role as a sibling. You worry and caretake, especially after your dad passed. As the oldest of the triplets, you took that on.”
“It’s crazy how Cal can be eleven minutes younger than me and such a baby.”
“And Becca was the middle child, the one clamoring for attention. Just because you’re triplets doesn’t mean birth order doesn’t come into play. That also doesn’t take away from Becca’s other issues, and neither of her brothers could have done anything about that.” Frowning, she pointed her pen at me. “Speaking of which, don’t use crazy like that. It’s not very PC.”
Taken aback, I thought about what I’d just said. “I guess you’re right. If Becca were here today, someone might call her crazy. She was, but we still loved her. We accepted all of her.”
“It sounds to me like Becca couldn’t reconcile all of her when it came to herself,” Shiraz said, her gentle voice soothing me. “Tell me how else you’re feeling.”
“Tired. I was in New York for a few days, and Cal spent the whole time trying to fix me up. He’s still running around with that Sophia, but she’s not for him.”
“And you? Are you ready to try to reach out again to your Rylan?”
I closed my eyes as the impact of hearing her name rolled through me. “We had a week, the best week, and I want that feeling back. The feeling that I can be me, and she can be her, and together, we can be us. Does that make sense?”
Shiraz nodded. “Are you ready to absolve yourself of the guilt you feel over Becca?”
“I am. I see she was on a reckless path, no matter what. Most of all, she wouldn’t want me dwelling on this. She’d want me to go after Rylan with some big romantic gesture, and so I am.”
“So, you won’t be here next week?” Shiraz asked, knowing about the plans I’d been piecing together.
“Nope. I’m going.”