Page 109 of Tempting Fate

“It’ll be good for me to know everything else you’ve kept from me.”

Ghosts of past trauma flicker in her eyes in the wake of my challenge. Her gaze darkens. Lily breathes too fast, and her body seems to fold in on itself. It takes her a moment to regain control, but when she does, it’s my turn to shatter.

“The truth is that I hated you that night and for months afterwards. Even as I healed, and you stood by me every step of the way, I resented you. I blamed you.” The frown that creases my forehead is a sign of my confusion. My woman sees it, and it makes her anger expand into a living entity. She practically shouts at me, “If you’d come to see me on New year’s Eve like you’d promised, none of this would’ve happened. I wouldn’t have met Alex. I wouldn’t have?—”

“You told me not to come.”

We lapse into silence. Separated by a mere half a foot, yet isolated like deserted islands by shock. Our chests heave as we breathe heavily. My gaze searches Lily’s face for signs of deceit, battling bewilderment the entire time, as she does the same to me.

I can’t find an ounce of pretence.

Over and over, I hear Sander’s voice that night telling me that Anna had asked him to tell me not to come to the New Year’s Eve party. He followed up the gut punch with an excuse that could’ve only come from my Lily.

At the time, I didn’t question it.

Now…

“Sander told me?—”

We both speak the same words.

Our rebuttal is voiced at the same time.

In unison, we fall silent.

“Sander told you what exactly?” I ask with delicate precision.

Lily shifts from one foot to the other, then she replies in a lifeless tone. “Sander told me that you phoned to tell him that you weren’t coming—he said you said that you wanted to give me space to grow up.” The emphasis she puts on those two preceding words tells me that they cut her deep. “He said that you thought I should find myself, work out what I wanted from life before signing my life away to you and the Shamrocks.”

“I didn’t—I never.” My touch is uncertain as I cup the nape of her neck again. When I try to pull her forehead to mine, she shakes her head. “Lily, I never said that.”

“Yes, you did.” My woman’s voice quavers as she adds. “You said it when I was fifteen, and you said it again that night.”

“Sweet thing.” Sliding a hand down her back, I grip her arse and haul her against me. One hand in her hair, the other propelling her upright, I force her to wrap her legs around my waist. “I pushed you away when you were fifteen because it was the right thing to do… not because I wanted to. But I promise you that I didn’t come on New Year’s Eve because Sander told me that you didn’t want me there. He called me while I was in the middle of a job—told me that you wanted freedom from me to find yourself.”

Lily circles her arms around my neck and brings our heads closer. Forehead to forehead, gazes locked, she says with a whimper, “You stayed away for weeks. Wouldn’t take my calls. Wouldn’t answer my texts.”

“I was a pussy, sweet thing. I didn’t fight for you.”

“But then you came to Inadale—why?”

“Heard you were seein’ someone. Had to make sure he was worthy of you.”

“The only person I’ve ever wanted to date is you.”

“Then why…” Trailing off when I realise that I’m straying into victim blaming territory, I break our connection to stare at the tip of her nose. “It’s just… you and Alex. You let me think.”

The laughter that leaves Lily’s lips contains zero humour. “Nadia talked me into using Alex to make you jealous.”

“Well, it fuckin’ worked.”

“No,” my woman clings to me. “It fucked everything up. If I hadn’t… If Sander hadn’t… none of this would’ve?—”

“If, if, if, sweet thing.” Surging forward two steps, I trap her between the steel wall and my body. The hand gripping her arse squeezes. “If Brutus hadn’t forbidden everyone from tellin’ you the truth about Alex. If I hadn’t made that stupid comment about not bein’ worthy of you. If I’d pulled my head outta my arse and answered your calls. So many things had to go wrong for Alex to find his way into your life.” A half-sob, half whimper falls from Lily’s lips when I grind against her. “We still woulda ended up here, metukà shelì, ’cause we’re meant to be. We’re unbreakable. Fuckin’ destiny on steroids.”

Even as I make excuses, every atom of my body pulses with regret. My chest is tight. My gut twists and turns. I handled her supposed rejection like a pussy. Lashed out at Slash. Poked Toker’s soft spots to get him to fight me. Ignored that Lily’s use of a middleman wasn’t normal behaviour.

My reaction was immature.

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