It’s time for the talk.
About us. Our relationship. His lies. My reaction to them.
Despite falling asleep easily after talking to Slash on the phone let night, my slumber didn’t last. I woke an hour or so later, tossed and turned for hours as I struggled to shut off my whirling mind. If Zeke had come to bed, I would’ve demanded to discuss everything. Now, faced with the opportunity, I think I prefer to live in ignorance. The past two days have been bad enough without delving into the problems in our relationship that we’ve spent over five years avoiding.
I run my finger over the first weld I made using his technique. “Thanks.”
When Zeke doesn’t say anything further, I lift myself from the concrete floor. Sensing his gaze running over the back of my head as I grab my coffee is enough to put me on edge. Sander’s suggestion that I hear Zeke out seemed like the right path to take back at the hospital. Now, I would give anything to avoid his excuses and the fury I’ll feel when he tries to treat me like a mushroom again.
Kept in the dark and fed bullshit.
In all honesty, as much as I’m caught between the desire for ignorance and the urge to fight for our love, some space and time would be nice to get my head right. Unfortunately, both are in short supply when the MC is in lockdown.
Grateful for the hot mug of coffee he brought me, I take a long sip then use it to hide the lower half of my face from Zeke’s probing eyes. When the quiet stretches into a heavy blanket filled with our unspoken problems, I break it with small talk. “What’s everyone up to inside?”
Zeke comically screws up his nose. “Toker’s made a bucket bong, and he’s tryna work out how to inhale the smoke while being held upside down like he’s doing a keg stand. The boys are taking bets on how long it’ll take before he passes out. Sander and Cub have locked themselves in Cub’s room with Nads.” Pausing, he scans my face, then adds. “Brutus is holed up in the chapel with Bear, Joker, and a bunch of old-timers. My dad has hijacked the den with Cass, Angelis, Duke, and Gabriel. Pretty sure both sides are plotting against the other while Hunter schemes against the lot of them.”
Happy to have read his reason for coming out here wrong, I encourage him to expand on his worries. It’s rare that Zeke comes to me with Shamrocks business, so I want to make the most of it. “So, everyone’s upset because Dad pulled a bait and switch with the meeting—” I make air quotes around the last word. “and compounded it with his disappearing act with Joseph at the hospital?”
“Not just that.” Zeke uses his head to gesture toward the tattered sofa that sits in the corner. I follow him, sinking down into the soft cushions next to him. While I finish my coffee, he fills me in on my father’s weird behaviour. “Everyone’s on edge because Brutus’ been off for ages. More combative than ever. Either forgettin’ or deliberately changin’ traditions that have stood for fifty-plus years without discussion. Dismissive of the club’s direction. Secretive as fuck. His version of leadership is makin’ decisions without a vote. It’s like he’s checked out of this life, but rather than leave it to those of us who still want it, he prefers to destroy the Shamrocks on his way out… Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does.” I curl the ends of my hair around the fingers of the hand not clutching my mug while I think through what Zeke just said. “Since we moved in together and I started working for Gabriel, I haven’t spent much one-on-one time with him. Haven’t really wanted to—not after the whole arranged marriage thing.” Grimacing at the memory of my dad’s betrayal, I continue. “When I am around him, we usually argue… sometimes about the way he treats Charlie. Other times it’s about Fret being against him. Once, we even got into it over Sander’s basketball career—which is ridiculous since he’s pushed Sander down that path since he realised he could dribble.” The noisy sigh I make is filled with every ounce of frustration I’m feeling. “I mean, he’s always been a hard arse. He’s always had strong opinions about how we should live our lives, especially since Mum died, and he’s rude as hell whenever he believes we’re not living up to his expectations. I know he loves us, but it’s kinda clear that we…”
When I trail off, Zeke finishes my sentence while making it sound like a question. “Haven’t turned out the way he wanted?”
“Yeah. Nothing we do is right… even when we do what he says. Sander went down the basketball path instead of joining the club—even though Dad encouraged him to do that. Fret isn’t a mindless drone who backs his decisions without questions. I’m a lawyer like he wanted, but I’m also your old lady… which is something he was definitely against in the beginning. Then Wyatt finished school and headed off to university without a backward glance and not a word about prospecting now he’s eighteen. Nate’s his only hope, but he’s still two years away from prospecting, and even then, there’s no guarantee he’ll want to join the Shamrocks.”
Catching my wrist as I twirl my hair tighter and tighter, Zeke unwinds the locks from my grip and links our fingers. I slump against him as he asks, “So you think he’s pissed off because he hasn’t built his legacy yet?”
“Nah. I think Dad’s just being Dad. An arsehole. Like...” I trail off with a sigh. “I asked Sander if he thinks he’s got dementia or something, and he said no. Fret’s not really in any state to talk to about this, but I spent half the night thinking about it, and I don’t think Fret would agree with me either. Part of me thinks I’m trying to find an excuse for his cruelty—” I shake my head. Zeke’s fingers flex around mine, a silent offer of support. “It’s just hard. He’s my dad. I don’t want him to be the villain.”
“I get where you’re comin from, ’cause none’a this is easy.” I balance my empty mug on my knee as I tilt my head to meet his gaze. His expression is apologetic but resolute. “Also want you to know that what I’m about to tell you is somethin’ I’d usually lie to you about, ’cept I’m not gonna this time. Out of everyone, you needa be aware of what’s to come.”
“What do you mean?”
“It means you’re not allowed to react to what I have to say like Brutus’ daughter… I need you to see this situation from your position as my old lady.”
“Not sure how that’s possible… I’m one and the same.”
“And you wonder why I lie to you,” Zeke retorts with a low growl.
It’s the kind of sound that makes me realise how close he is to snapping. There’s a wild, feral kind of light hiding behind the apology in his tired eyes. Seeing it causes my stomach to churn. I sit upright, twisting on the cushion, as I scan his face for clues to his abrupt attitude change.
What I see makes my own temper flare.
“I don’t wonder why. I know why you lie. You think I’m weak.”
“Nope,” he declares in a flat tone. “I don’t think you’re weak. I think you’re reckless as fuck. You take everyone’s problems on as your own, and because of that, you take risks you shouldn’t to save ’em from themselves. Your sense of self-preservation is non-existent. So, I figured that if I told you straight out what’s goin’ on here from the start, I might stand a chance of keepin’ you safe from yourself.”
“Then tell me,” I prompt when he stops speaking. My gut tightens as all the thoughts I’ve had about my father’s behaviour pop into my head. “Tell me why I need to look at things as your old lady and not as the president’s daughter.”
He hesitates, an anxious look flickers in his expression before he replaces it with resolution. “I’ve spoken to most of the old-timers, and they reckon it’s more than stress or Brutus being Brutus. Duke says he’s watched this shit brewin’ for more than five years. My dad keeps warnin’ me not to trust Brutus, only he refuses to tell me why.”
“Duke and Hades are hardly impartial,” I interject. “They’ve known Dad their entire lives.”
“’Cept it’s not only them, is it? The entire MC is off kilter because of Brutus. For me, your dad’s strange behaviour started after I was nommed as VP. For Hunter, he noticed it a few months earlier than that… right around the time Alex was denied parole the first time. Brutus’ isolatin’ himself from all but a select few in the club. He seems intent on splittin’ us right down the fuckin’ middle for reasons we’re still tryin’ to uncover.”
The empty coffee cup hits the concrete floor and breaks when I rush to my feet. “Are you calling my father a traitor?”