Page 64 of Seizing Control: Part Two

His thumbs stroke the lower swell of my stomach.

For a heartbeat, I think I’ve broken through his walls.

Until he blinks.

Hatred surges back to the surface.

Stomping past me, Slash retrieves a folded yellow envelope from inside his leather jacket. He tosses it at my feet. I peer at him, tears streaming down my face while I try to find the right words to stop him from walking away from me.

From our chance at a future together.

“I love you.”

My husband gives me his back.

“I won’t let you destroy us.”

Knuckles white where he grips the door handle, my husband bows his head. “We were ruined before we began... all you’re doin’ is hangin’ on to a pipe dream. You’ve gotta stop actin’ like your pussy is some magical vortex to your fantasy life, and make a fuckin’ choice. Me or Lazarus?”

He’s so far gone in his bitterness that I know digging my heels in will only make things worse. Rather than tell him for the umpteenth time that I won’t choose, I remain silent. He can use me as his emotional punching bag, but I cannot allow him to back me against the wall. Together, they will always hold my heart in different but equal ways. My love for them is a delicately balanced seesaw that I refuse to let either of them selfishly tilt in their direction.

My husband can flay me alive with his cruel words.

His actions won’t lessen my love for him or increase for feelings for Lazarus.

“Duchess.” Slash croons when he tips her his back and our gazes lock. Pleading invades his eyes, and I shake my head to deny his unspoken request. In the wake of my refusal, his expression hardens. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You can have the house, the fuckin’ kid, my Range Rover... all I want is my name back.”

“I don’t want to divorce you... I want to be your?—”

“Fuck you, wife... I hope you burn in hell for what you’ve done to me.”

Again, I refuse to give him the easy out that he’s seeking and meet his anger head on. He reads my resolve, and the fight drains from him. In its place, I spy self-hatred a moment before the sound of the door slamming makes me jerk like I’ve been electrocuted. As soon as I’m alone, stripped naked and fastened to his bed, I break.

Heartrending sobs.

Blubbering cries.

Hiccupping wails.

All my husband had to was stay.

Fight.

Instead, he continues to give in to his demons.

I thought my love would heal him.

Now, I’m not so sure.

Carter Hudson can’t love me until he learns to love himself.

The good and the bad of his actions.

The light and the dark sides of his soul.

The hero and the villain that lives inside him.

It’s that simple.

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