Page 43 of Seizing Control: Part Two

Vulnerable and candid.

His texts continue to increase in number, although they remain contained to night-time.

We’re connecting better than we have since he first declared his feelings for me, but I’d be lying if said we are being honest with each other. We still haven’t discussed Garrett, and Zeke’s return from the dead as Lazarus hasn’t been broached. Part of me suspects that he knows that I know. His pointed questions about my grief are as conspicuous as the absence of genuine queries about our son. There is also a gaping chasm in communication about the progress of my pregnancy. My husband doesn’t ask, and I don’t tell him.

Our chats are entirely contained to the distant past.

My silence answers Lazarus’ query better than anything I could say, and he makes his irritation with my indecision known. Eyes narrowed, he snarls, “Yeah, sweet thing... that’s what I thought.”

“I’m going to tell him,” I murmur. Lazarus isn’t interested in hearing me out, but I try anyway. “Face to face.”

“You can lie to yourself, Lily... not me. I can read you like a book.” While I brace for a burst of Venom, I’m instead treated to a rational observation that’s devoid of blame and finger pointing. “It’s been growing clearer by the day that you’re unwilling to confront what you want head on.” When I open my mouth to protest, he shakes his head and keeps talking. “I’m happy to give you time to come to terms with your needs. Not going to countenance lies, though.”

The worst part of Lazarus is his directness.

For years, I pleaded with Zeke to be honest.

To lay out his thoughts for me.

I almost regret that now.

Lazarus is becoming more educated by the day, and with that comes a new range of emotional intelligence and book smarts that would be intimidating if it wasn’t so sexy. My first love has always been street smart, and I had no issues helping him with paperwork and spelling out words for him when his phone’s predictive text couldn’t decipher what he meant. What I didn’t like was how down on himself he would get over it. The way he’d berate himself for not knowing things.

I loathed the voice in his head that told him he was stupid.

Chantal taunted him from beyond the grave.

His own mother.

She stripped him of all confidence.

Made him doubt himself.

Broke his innate curiosity before it even developed.

“You’re being too honest for this time of the morning,” I observe. “This is more of a daylight discussion.”

“Don’t care if it’s before dawn or not,” Lazarus retorts. Frowning, he shrugs one shoulder. “I’m calling a spade, a spade.”

“Can we put a pin this please?” Sitting up in bed, I let the covers pool around my waist. When Lazarus’ gaze dips to my cleavage, then to my pregnant belly, I feel his annoyance dissipate. “I don’t want to fight with you. As soon as Slash returns, we’ll talk to him... together. You and me. Between now and then, I want you to promise that you’ll be careful.”

“I am careful,” the suited man retorts with a smirk. His expression turns earnest when he adds. “You need to stop worrying. I like looking after the little man. It gives you some extra sleep, and him and I time to chat about things… man to man.”

I can’t help grinning at his explanation.

He adores my—our—son.

Still, the way Garrett has taken to Lazarus scares me. For a baby who can barely hold his own head up, he’s pretty discerning. My son fusses until he gets the attention of the person he wants, and he has zero compunction about making his needs known. It might sound stupid, but I worry that he’ll notice if the worst happens, and I’m deserted by Lazarus in favour of his preserving his pride again.

My first love has changed, but he’s still the same man at his core.

If danger comes too close to me, he’ll run if he thinks it’s the right thing to do.

With children involved, I’m scared that he’ll run faster and further than he did before.

In addition to my own heartache, I have to worry about Garrett’s stability too.

Despite my best efforts, I’m letting my first love push his way back into my life with an ease that isn’t his due. My threat to maim him was real. It’s the ability to follow through that I doubt. He is a changed man. That is obvious. However, a small part of me doubts the permanence of Lazarus’ improvements when the going gets tough.

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