Page 18 of Seizing Control: Part Two

For the past couple of weeks, my hope has grown for my relationship with my husband.

His texts have been regular, increasing in number, and he’s been open about his feelings.

Our middle of the night conversations are frank but lovingly respectful.

So, I allowed my innate belief in him, built over a lifetime of Slash being the man I turned to whenever life got rough, to lull me into a false sense of security. My certainty that they would both return has buoyed me, soothed my fear and dampened my worry. Zeke has always been my vicious protector and the willing recipient of my temper. The big man is my font of wisdom and a solid shoulder to cry on.

The obstacles standing in our way aren’t insurmountable.

They wouldn’t leave me alone forever.

At least, that’s what I believed...

As I unconsciously twist my bracelet around my wrist, the magnitude with which I’ve misjudged their intentions smacks me in the face. Grief-stricken, I’ve been thrust into unexpected motherhood and discovered that I’m pregnant, yet they remain gone. Slash knows exactly what I’m dealing with, and my first love would have to be oblivious not to have noticed my rounded stomach when he touched me.

Again, the same two thoughts pound around my skull.

They know my circumstances.

They’re still gone.

Willingly.

Toker leans across the top of his chair to touch the cherub charm hanging from my wrist. “What’s that?”

“It’s, uh... it’s...” Scrambling for an explanation, I blink too fast. Scepticism fills his face, so I blurt out the first thing to enter my mind. “Zeke is leaving these all over the place for me... they randomly turn up.” When he screws up his nose, I scramble to expand on my reasoning. “He, um... his will set it all out. Gabriel didn’t tell me the exact details, but this is his way of showing me that he... l-l-loves me, even though, he’s...”

For some reason, the word is stuck in my throat.

I can’t bring myself to say that Zeke’s dead.

It’s a straight out lie.

One that will blow up in all our faces soon enough.

Lying by omission is bad, and I am not adverse to employing it as a tactic.

For the right reasons...

And that’s the crux of my problem.

My first love and my husband have proven unworthy.

The ghostly spectre they cast over my life is dreary rather than hope filled. Alienating Toker, the only person who unconditionally stuck by me, throughout it all, is not in my best interests. Unlike Nadia, he won’t forgive easily when the truth comes out. His loyalty is black and white. His moral compass points due north, in spite of his anarchial tendencies. He breaks the law because he doesn’t respect it, but he never backstabs, double-crosses, or snitches.

I owe it to him to be as straight as I can be with him.

“Benny... I?—”

“Found this in your bathroom this mornin’,” my cousin speaks over me. He retrieves something from the inner pocket of his cut, and unfurls his hand in front of me. Blinking at him, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip when my brain registers what he’s holding out to me. “It reminded me of Venom... made me miss ’im like fuck if I’m bein’ completely honest. Shouldn’t’ve taken it, but—” Toker leans closer in a silent request for me to accept the charm from him. “It’s obviously yours—you should have it.”

The golden pipe with the sapphire inlay gleams underneath the ornate linear lights that hang from the roof, running the length of the custom-built dining table. It’s definitely Zeke’s handiwork. It matches the bracelet charms and necklace pendant that I already wear. The sight of trinket makes my breath catch in my throat. I am conscious of the room spinning, undulating as my eyesight wavers.

When I start to shake from head to toe, my chin wobbles.

“Fuck.” Toker is on his feet before the first has finished its descent down my cheek. “I’m sorry... knew I shoulda left it where I found it.”

“Where did you find it?” I ask as he drops to his haunches in front of me and engulfs me in a tight hug. “Was it in my room?”

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