Page 38 of Seizing Control: Part Two

She has always wanted children, to emulate the affection and attention Scarlett poured into her and her siblings, and the biggest part of her PTSD, outside of the physical triggers, was the knowledge that Alex had potentially stolen the chance to be a mother from her.

I’ve always wanted metukà shelì to have everything she wants.

As much as it kills me to admit, I am jealous that Slash could give it to her first.

“Hey,” she whispers when she becomes aware of my presence. Delight flares in her gaze before she returns it to her son. “Look who came back.”

“Smile, sweet thing.” I hold my phone straight and peer at her image on the screen. Lily curls her lips and stares straight at me. It takes me a second to actually capture the sight because I’m transfixed on the love in her eyes. “Too gorgeous, by far. If I hadn’t already put a baby inside you, I would right this minute.”

“Ze—Lazarus... you do know that?—”

Closing the distance between us, I slide my phone back into my pocket, then kneel down and press a finger to her lips. “I know, but even if I’m wrong, it doesn’t matter to me. Any child of yours is a child of mine.”

“Okay.”

Garrett makes a fussing sound. He spits out the teat and cranes his neck so he can look at me. I take in his light-blue eyes, the shock of strawberry-blonde hair, and all I can see is Slash. In this moment, the idiot married to my wife ceases to only be my rival. My chest tightens with pity for him, and I decide that I need to find a way to get him back here before he throws away the best thing to ever happen to him.

Few people get second chances.

He has two of them awaiting him.

Yet he’s too busy wallowing in self-pity to appreciate them.

“Can I?”

“I know you held him the other night, but....” Lily draws her eyebrows together and tilts her head to one side. “You know who his mother is?—”

“I do.” Careful not to disturb Garrett, I press my lips to her forehead. “You. The mob bi—” Eyes widening, I stop myself from finishing the word. My body aches from being tased, and it feels wrong to use that word in front of a baby. Amending my statement, I continue. “That spiteful hellcat did one thing right in her life, she made you his imma.” The look in my sweet thing’s eye when I call her mummy in Hebrew makes my heart swell to three times the size. “I will cherish him because you love him... I’ll love him like he’s my own—whether Slash steps up or not.”

“You can’t keep saying things like this.”

“I can and I will.” Lily’s doubt stings, but I know I deserve it. “For the rest of my life, I’ll do my best to make you understand that you can trust my word.”

“I hope so.” There’s a wistful quality to her murmur that acts like a shot of adrenaline straight to my nervous system. It disappears, replaced by a bossy tone as she tells me, “You have to sit down to feed him, and you can’t tip his bottle too high, or he’ll end up colicky.”

Watching Lily morph into Mummy mode is a revelation.

She holds Garrett securely while I settle in the rocking chair. Once she’s satisfied with my posture, I accept the fussy boy from her. Bending my arms as directed, supporting his head just right, I’m out of my depth, even with her assistance. This is foreign territory for me, terrain that I’m willing to traverse for my sweet thing.

The moment Garrett starts sucking down his milk, my mouth drops open.

This is an unimaginable experience.

“It’s cool, isn’t? To know they trust you with their life.”

“He’s so damn small, but he scares me more than any line-backer I’ve ever face.”

“Oh, I know how you feel... the first time I held him, I melted.”

“You’re doin’ so good, Lily.” She flushes red at my praise. “A natural mother.”

Her eyes water, and her chin does the little tell-tale wobble that she hates. “Thank you. I’m terrified every minute of every day—” Lily strokes her pinkie along the back of Garrett’s hand. “I just love him so much.”

The longer I hold him, the tighter my chest gets.

It’s a revelation.

An impeachment.

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