Page 168 of Seizing Control: Part Two

“That’s why I told you first—you’re the only one who’d understand.”

Running my fingers over Ezra’s back, I nod. “Give me a few hours with the twins and we’ll find somewhere quiet to talk. Might even steal Garrett from Nads and Crystal so he can make us smile instead of crying.”

“I’d like that.” Ziva pulls her shirt back on, then she heads for the closest exit. Pausing next to the door, she turns back to me. “Thanks for letting me hang out with the twins. I know Nads wasn’t happy that I jumped the cue.”

“If she’d move in with me like I’ve asked, repeatedly, she could have all the hugs she wants,” I quip. “You can tell her I said that too.”

The hollowness of Ziva’s laughter as she leaves isn’t reassuring.

She’s caught at a crossroad with no one to lead her in the right direction.

All she has is her gut instinct, a broken heart, and hope Rio isn’t already dead as a guide.

It’s another thing we have in common.

I just evicted my baby daddies at the time when I need them most.

Here’s hoping it doesn’t blow up in my face...

“Are we going to tempt him with the breast?”

A niggle of guilt makes itself known. I attached the pump without thinking, however, I think it might’ve been a serendipitous instinct. I promised Slash and Lazarus that I wouldn’t keep them from their children. That’s means I need to consider them before I make any decisions about the babies and their needs.

“Can we try tomorrow?” I offer Deborah a thin smile. “I think their dads should be here to see it.”

“Of course.” The always pleasant woman assures me, “The doctor on call is almost certain that Asher is ready for kangaroo care.” I hold my breath, unwilling to jinx it. Deborah sees my apprehension, and she touches my shoulder. “The little miss is tougher than she looks. Her progress has been nothing short of miraculous.”

“It’s just hard...” I exhale raggedly. “I want to hold her, at the same time, I’m worried that we’re rushing her.”

“Everyone who’s heard Asher’s lungs knows there is no such thing as rushing that girl.” When my cheeks heat and I try my hardest to suppress the emotions welling in my eyes, Deborah makes a clucking sound with her tongue and changes the subject. “Waiting until the morning is smart. The chances of success in latching are better first thing, plus the little miss can join in the fun with some kangaroo care with her delicious daddies at the same time.” There’s a twinkle in her eye as she nods, and I just know she’s envisioning my men with their shirts off. “It’s a marvellous thing they’ve done for you.”

“I know.”

“They’ve been more than generous with my team as well.”

I stroke Ezra’s soft hair. “That’s good.”

“The offer to stay on as one of the nannies was a bit out of left field, though.”

Every ounce of regret I was feeling at excluding them flees in an instant.

“Lazarus asked you to become a nanny?”

“With Grace, yes.”

“Wonderful,” I mutter. “Another decision made without my input.”

She wisely ignores my agitation, ducking off to busy herself in the other room.

When her television turns on, I set the clock to alert me when it’s time to return Ezra to his crib, then I settle back in my chair with one hand patting my son’s bottom and the other cupping my daughter’s little chest. It’s the only hug I have been able to give her, but I’m hopeful that tomorrow will bring the confirmation that she’s strong enough to be outside her incubator so I can finally hold her.

Lost in my thoughts, I jerk when the timer goes off.

Deborah appears out of nowhere and reaches past me to silence it before it can rouse Ezra from his slumber. Once the device has been stowed, the nurse takes my son out of my arms. Waiting for me to heft myself out of the rocking chair, she returns Ezra to me so I can lay him down in his bassinet. While Asher is still in an enclosed incubator, my son has graduated to a normal newborn crib. I ensure my son is properly swaddled, then I give him a kiss and deposit him in his bed.

“I’ll be back in a few hours,” I tell her as I pull my top back into place.

“Grace will be in charge after lunch. I will be back at sunrise.”

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