Page 138 of Seizing Control: Part Two

Cherub loves him in the dark while she tolerates me in the light.

Night-time is for her, no one else, and that makes it the purest form of love out of them all.

“When you put it like that, brother,” I concede his point, despite knowing that he’s not entirely right. “I don’t envy you at all.”

“Good.”

Lazarus leaves me to chat with Layla, all pretence of her being a journalist gone now that it’s just Shamrocks, Nadia, and the other Moscato & Monet old ladies left. While they look at something on her laptop, I scan the den. My club brothers are relaxed yet curious, with Cub as the odd man out with his unconcealed outrage at being duped by his lover. Dad and the old timers appear contemplative as they absorb the news that Hades’ long-term suffering has ended. The M&M girls seem to find the entire situation amusing, apart from Ziva who is unusually quiet and struggling with being away from home more than usual.

As a whole, we’re a contradiction.

Happy yet sad.

Hopeful but worried.

It mirrors my own malcontent.

I wasn’t lying when I told Lazarus that I don’t envy him.

It wasn’t the entire truth, though, since the other option I mentioned was hating him.

For months, my loathing for my best friend poisoned my enduring love for him. Now, as we fall back into old habits, using our innate synchronicity to build a life with the woman we love, I know that my animosity for him was a shield. It allowed me to deny the reality I didn’t want to admit.

I don’t envy Lazarus.

I don’t hate him either.

Because it turns out that he’s vital.

Fundamental.

Essential.

To my wife.

To my son.

To the twins.

To me.

And that’s why I need his help to make my duchess willingly reach for me in the dark too.

25

LILY

Kangaroo care is over.

The twins have been bathed.

My expressed milk is labelled and has been added to the fridge.

I’m out of reasons to linger at the NICU any longer.

“We need to go home,” Slash tells me. He’s shadowed me since my discharge, leaving me only once to attend to club business. The proximity of my husband, the time spent basking under his attention after so many months apart, is disconcerting. He’s the last person I should trust, yet I find myself leaning on him. “The safest place for you is inside a building we control.”

Lazarus inclines his head with agreement.

---