Page 71 of Seizing Control: Part One

Leaving my brother to organise for the charred traitors to be left in our rival MC's territory, I step outside and light up a smoke. I've been thinking about quitting completely, but it's not really sticking. I need nicotine—it's a lifeline right now.

It's also another failure. My duchess mentioned, one time, to Venom that she hated the smell and he quit cold turkey. I cannot even manage to cut down.

"You did well in there," Dad tells me as he comes to a stop at my right.

"Was wingin' it." I blow out three smoke rings. "Felt fuckin' good to mete out some pain for once."

"I hear Gabriel has a plan runnin' counter to ours?"

"Yep."

There's worry and pride in Dad’s gaze when he says, "You've gotta do whatever it takes to stay true to yourself... anythin' less than that is a failure."

His wisdom bounces around my skull as the rest of my brothers join us. For the second time, Cub hands me Brutus' cut. It's the only one still intact out of his faction, and as I hold it, a sense of contentment builds inside me.

Dad's right.

The restless guilt that was stalking me when we arrived has been absolved.

In the name of love, I’ve buried my conscience and my sense of fair play.

I’ll lie to Cherub about Venom’s death.

But there will be no other secrets between us.

There can’t be... not only because that's not the way I roll.

Because it’s the only way I’ll be able to keep her when Venom eventually rises from the dead.

12

LILY

As I step out of the downstairs guest room that I’m using as a change room, the women waiting for me to show them the first wedding dress of the afternoon fall silent. The collection that Crystal was able to procure at such short notice has been amazing. Her contacts are second to none, the woman who zipped me up is a well-known Australian designer who must have been paid a pretty penny to pull this together for me.

The sad thing is that if this was for a wedding that I’d chosen to have, the assortment of styles on offer would be a dream come true. Instead, it feels more like a nightmare. The kind where you are screaming but no sound comes out and you can’t wake up no matter how hard you try.

I never truly understood the whole, “caught between a rock and a hard place” analogy.

I was definitely more on Team Pull-On-Your-Big-Girl-Panties-And-Make-An-Adult-Decision.

I get it now...

Being trapped between two men, holding their hearts in my hands, balancing competing needs and their safety—it’s a fucking minefield. There’s no guarantee that my next step won’t blow up in my face. Every centimetre I edge forward seems to bring me closer to total annihilation. For a little while, it was easy. I could use my anger at Zeke for deserting me as a shield, continue on in ignorant bliss as to my true feelings for Slash, and concentrate on getting high with Nadia to block out everything else.

Crashing back down to earth has been painful.

My father’s betrayal.

Zeke’s crazy plan.

Slash’s impending ultimatum.

The constant feeling of being stalked.

It’s too much.

I want off this crazy ride.

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