Page 224 of Seizing Control: Part One

A fact that excites me as much as it scares me.

I’m overjoyed that Zeke came back to me.

I’m heartbroken that Slash will lose himself to his jealousy when he finds out.

The moment a repulsive thought enters my head, nausea hits.

What if Slash already knows about Zeke’s fake death?

“Hey, God,” I mutter through the water that streams down my face. “Know we haven’t been on good terms since my mum died, but I’d really like some help here... a sign. A little guidance.” Pausing, I wait to see if the Lord above is going to help me out. Nothing happens. “Yeah, thanks... I expected as much.”

Settling on the floor, back to the tiles, arms holding my legs tight, I do my best to clear my mind. It doesn’t work, an ongoing parade of problems march through my psyche like a Christmas parade. Zeke. My dad. Slash. My twin. Garrett. The baby I’m growing inside me. Everett. My younger brothers. Cub. The Shamrocks. Toker and Delia. Over and over, all the troubles facing me pile up until I’m flexing my fingers to combat the phantom craving to wield a razor.

My skin crawls.

The racing of my heart makes my head spin.

A voice in my head—Alex’s voice—reminds me that I am infected.

Everything that’s wrong is my fault.

Bleeding is the only way to purge the filth.

I deserve to hurt as I drain the poison in my veins...

“Hey, Cherub!”

Nadia pounds on my bedroom door. Even though she’s metres away, separated by two walls, and I can barely hear her over the shower, I startle. Ripped out of my head, dangerous yearning diverted for a moment, I clamber back to my feet. Just in time, too, since my best friend decides that the lock I engaged isn’t going to keep her out. Seconds later, she bursts into the bathroom, colour sitting high in her cheeks, and a mixture of dread and annoyance in her scowl.

“There’s no way I say this without it stingin’, so I’m just gonna say it,” she begins in a rush. After a steadying breath, my best friend blurts out, “Gabriel is downstairs. He’s found Venom’s will, and he needs to talk to you about it.” I swallow hard, my hands cradling my belly as the irony stings. After months of delays and excuses from Gabriel and Hades, Zeke’s final wishes will be made clear on the day that I discover he’s not actually dead. When I don’t respond, Nadia makes a growly sound in her throat, and I ready myself for the second shoe to drop. “Cub phoned—your husband will be ringin’ in half an hour to talk to you.”

“Great,” I mutter.

My best friend offers me malicious smirk. “I can start a fire if you want... reckon you need a new couch in the den once that old one has burnt to a crisp... then I’ll pile a bunch’a blankets on top of you and sneak you outta the gates in my backseat while the prospects are busy puttin’ it out.”

“As much as I appreciate the offer, Nads,” I tell her as I grab my loofah and squirt body wash on to it. “I’m going to face this like an adult.”

“Okay.” She pulls the lid down on the toilet, then makes herself comfortable. I start soaping up, aware that asking her to give me space is pointless. “Just remember it’s a standin’ offer. You say the word and it’s done.”

“I know, and I love you for that.”

“Ride or die, Cherub.” Nadia inclines her head as our gazes lock through the glass cubicle. She makes finger guns. “Fuck men.”

Scrubbing my under pits, I repeat, with blatant irony in my voice, “Fuck men.”

We stare at each other, each of us individually disenchanted with men in our own way.

If I was as good a friend to her as she is to me, I would warn her that she should never ask God for a sign. Considering the circumstances of my life, I can’t find the right words to convey the depth of the paradox I’m trapped within. Because that dude obviously has a distorted sense of humour and an even more warped sense of timing.

Zeke has returned from the dead.

Slash is phoning to divorce me.

It’s the conundrum to end all conundrums...

45

SLASH

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