Page 18 of Seizing Control: Part One

Dancing on strangers.

Touches from hands that make me feel sick.

Driven home by the biker tailing me that night.

My bathroom. A razor. Pain. Blood. Oblivion.

Only to wake in the morning, safely tucked up in my bed with my thighs and stomach bandaged, and my hangover half as bad as it should be. I tell myself that it’s Nadia looking after me, yet I know deep down that it’s Slash. The big man cleans me up, tucks me in, and holds vigil in my bedroom to ensure that I don’t hurt myself beyond repair.

As much as I avoid reality, I can’t completely lie to myself.

I’m angry at him for blurring the lines between us.

He’s furious that I denied a truth he finds obvious.

We’re stuck at a permanent impasse because I’m still in love with his best friend.

When Nadia lets go of my hands so she can dance over to one of our dates, my gaze strays over to the man-bunned biker who hasn’t taken his eyes off me since I arrived. Sitting at the same table as Zeke, the hunger in his eyes is hard to ignore. The ice blue depths are lit from within. His blatant need scorches my skin. Fills me with lust. Drives me to the point of insanity.

Almost to the point of seeking out Zeke…

At the last second, I stop myself from acknowledging my ex-fiancé’s presence.

Instead, I lock eyes with Slash again.

He meets my perusal without blinking.

I break away when his scrutiny burns too hot to bear.

Trapped between my painful past and an impossible future, I close my eyes and lose myself to the embrace of the pounding music. It helps for a little while, allows me to pretend that I can’t feel both men watching me like they own me.

Like they have a right to judge me.

“Let’s dance on the bar,” Nadia shouts in my ear.

Nodding, I reluctantly open my eyes and allow her to drag me over to the long wooden countertop that separates the main area from the drink fridges. The shot she passes my way is gratefully accepted, and I down it without checking to see what it is.

It’s smooth and kind of sweet.

Tequila.

God’s excuse for bad behaviour.

Just what I need to get through the night from hell.

When I slide my shot glass back over to the prospect, he hesitates a second before he refills it. As the back of my head burns with the heat of a gaze I know well, I refuse to turn around to meet Zeke’s eyes. He has no right to critique me. Not after he told me to move on—not when he’s moved on with a gorgeous, tattooed brunette—the exact opposite of me.

Still, it’s hard to deny that Wyatt is right in his assertion that I’m not ready to move on.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t test the waters…

If it upset Zeke, then that’s on him.

Potentially pissing off Slash as well is merely an added bonus.

“Fuck men,” Nadia shrieks as she sashays closer. “Show those two idiots that you don’t care… make them regret treatin’ you like shit.”

Sufficiently buoyed by my best friend’s frank assessment, I empty my shot glass, then allow Shep to boost me up onto the bar. After clambering up behind me, Nadia takes hold of my hands as our favourite In This Moment song starts playing.

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