Page 149 of Seizing Control: Part One

Urinating on a stick in a public restroom wasn’t how I envisioned finding out I am pregnant again. But, like I have tried to do too many times to count over the past few weeks, I rally. The running water helps, and I manage to pee on the right end. Once I’m done, I cap the plastic kit and pull up my pants.

As I’m setting the timer on my phone, I exit the cubicle.

Nadia glares at me. “You can at least pretend to be excited.”

“Why?”

Hands on her hips, she strips the air from my lungs with her next comment. “You’ve been given a silver lining—you’re either carrying the final piece of Venom on earth or a reason to reunite with your husband.”

I blanch. “Jesus Christ, Nads... we don’t even know if I’m pregnant.”

“You are,” she tells me with complete confidence. “The world can only take so much before it has to give you something to balance out the pain.”

I’m still in two minds about the whole thing.

The miscarriage that started the unravelling of my life still haunts me.

It’s unlikely that my body has healed enough to get pregnant again so soon, even with Bebe’s meddling. If I am pregnant, the worry that I could lose another baby could undo all the progress I’ve made over the past week.

The only problem with the excuses I make to keep from getting my hopes up is the inclination that I might be pregnant is the reason why I haven’t cut for six days.

The real truth is simple.

I’m a mess.

Not equipped to be a mum.

Lost to oblivion with my heart broken and an unclear future.

How am I supposed to raise a child when I’m still dancing with tragedy?

“Give it here.” Nadia holds out her hand when the timer goes off. Two women enter the restroom. Making big eyes at her, I force my best friend to wait until they’re gone. The second they leave, she snatches the stick I’m trying to hide behind my back out of my hands. “Drum roll, please... you are...”

Holding my breath, I bite down on my bottom lip.

Nadia takes way too long to read the results.

“Tell me... did it work?”

When she raises her head to meet my eyes, I see the tears that she’s trying to suppress. Her smile is achingly beautiful, the perfect mix of excitement and sorrow. I let her hug me tight, as she whispers the worst and best news I’ve ever received into my ear.

“You’re pregnant, little Cherub.”

“Fuck.”

“It’s gonna okay,” my best friend declares. “You’ve got me—ride or die, bestie. I’m gonna be the best aunty slash godmother slash birthing partner you can ask for.”

Her description of the role she could play in my life makes my head spin.

Slash.

My husband.

This isn’t only my silver lining.

It could be his as well.

The smile I try to offer Nadia when she takes hold of my shoulders and squeals cracks like porcelain. I try to grasp a tendril of hope, but it’s like clutching at smoke. I broke my wedding vows. Tainted my marriage. Was unfaithful without even taking a second to think through the potential consequences.

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