Page 231 of Seizing Control: Part One

Mired in a craving I can’t satisfy.

On the nightstand, my phone vibrates. I have taken to switching off my ringer when I head to bed to avoid Slash’s middle of the night musings from waking up our son. Rolling on to my side, I grab the illuminated device and sneak it under the covers with me.

The duvet over my head blocks out the light as I read his latest missive.

SLASH: Do you remember when you cornered me at your 18th birthday party?

As always the memory of my birthday is both bitter and sweet. It was the night Zeke and I slept together for the first time. He took my virginity, and I stole his heart. Our love was solidified on a bed of lies. Out of fear, I forced the issue, despite my earlier admission to Zeke that we had to take it slow. I wasn’t ready for sex, but Alex had already laid out his ultimatum. My shock at learning who he truly was, my disbelief at the hand my dad played in it, had made me reckless.

I got high with Sander.

Trapped Slash in a dark corner.

Demanded he tell me where Zeke had gone.

My thumbs move rapidly as I type back my response.

LILY: Yes... why?

His answer appears a few seconds later.

SLASH: I thought you were gonna kiss me...

SLASH: Were you?

LILY: It crossed my mind

SLASH: Truth?

Contemplating my screen, I reconsider my honesty. I probably shouldn’t have told him that, it will only reinforce his certainty that he’s second best, even if it’s the truth. In my frantic search for Zeke, not knowing that my father had him ejected from the party, I had briefly considered asking Slash to take my virginity. I was scared he’d rejected me again. The arranged marriage my father organised with Alex was disturbing. My immature belief that I could negotiate with him was contradicted by my desperation to shed the one thing I innately knew he coveted more than the power our union would bring.

Alex was obsessed with my purity.

I was embarrassed by it.

My pride was dented by Zeke’s rejection.

At the time, I had no way of knowing that it was a lie.

So, I was borderline hysterical.

Too high to think straight.

Too young to know better.

Slash is gorgeous.

His long hair, his height, his athletic frame. The crystalline gaze that always felt like it was looking straight into my soul. Wide smile that seemed to fill with more warmth when it was directed at me. Intelligent, thoughtful, and confident, there was an air mystique to Carter Hudson that Zeke didn’t possess.

They are opposites.

Slash is like Apocalyptica—edgy yet classical.

Zeke is akin to Falling in Reverse—wild and unrefined.

To pick one over the other, even then, was next to impossible.

SLASH: You don’t have to lie to me, baby

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