Page 23 of Seizing Control: Part One

“I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

“Then it’s a shame my love will never be enough for you. I just hope that you and your pride are happy together.”

After pulling the door shut behind myself, I exhale until my lungs burn and my eyes water.

My heart hurts, my skin feels too tight, but I know I did the right thing.

Zeke destroyed us.

I won’t let him ruin the Shamrocks as well.

Because the harsh truth is that the two men who profess to love me need each other more than they need me right now. I might love them both, but the war brewing within the club means that my feelings are dead on arrival. Preserving our way of life. Saving the club my mother helped build. The future of the Black Shamrocks MC, Zeke and Slash’s bond, and my brothers’ safety—blood or not—is all that matters.

And it’s that knowledge that powers me on as I’m met with curious gazes when I stomp through the crowded bar and outside into the dark night. Thankfully, everyone lets me pass without question, although Nadia does seem a bit put out when I ignore her gesture to come dance with her.

Once I’m alone in the darkness, I pause to catch my breath.

What a mindfuck...

Every time I think I have a grip on my life, a new obstacle pops up.

My epiphany over Zeke and Slash couldn’t have come at a worse time.

I’m in love with two men.

Best friends.

Caught between a ferocious first love that’s burnt like an inferno for as long as I can remember and the flaring firestorm of a new love that’s been fanned by the flames of enduring friendship. The two men have always been complementary. They balance each other out. Create perfect harmony. It would be criminal to ruin their consonance.

I refuse to be the wedge that incites carnage within the brotherhood.

The Shamrocks will splinter down the centre.

My dad will win.

“I won’t let that happen,” I state out loud. “He deserves to burn in hell.”

From his sentry point near the main gates, my younger brother let’s out a low whistle. “Talkin’ to yourself, lil sis?”

“Yep... needed an expert opinion so I went right to the source.”

He laughs at my sarcasm, then holds out my keys to me. In my haste to get away from prying eyes, it hadn’t occurred to me that I didn’t have a way home unless I went back inside to ask for someone to drive me—which was not happening.

I accept the keyring with a sharp nod of appreciation.

“Figured you’d need wheels at some point, so I went and got your car.”

“Thanks,” I tell him. We remain in silence for a minute, then I sigh. “Well, my bed beckons, and you have prospect duties to get back to... I should get going.”

“You look tired.” Wyatt cocks his head to the side and scans my face with a worried gaze. “Shit’s gonna get better.”

“At this point, I have to believe that since it can’t hardly get worse.”

“Your lips to God’s ears,” my brother parrots one of our mother’s favourite platitudes.

“Here’s hoping, little brother...”

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