Page 215 of Seizing Control: Part One

I mean, I have a husband who refuses to accept reality.

Slash hasn’t phoned since I hung up on him. I texted him to tell him that I’d brought Garrett home. His silence is predictable, but I’m also battling a heart that is both broken and healing. I don’t know how to reconcile my grief with the small rays of happiness I can see on the horizon Garrett and my unborn child. Two lights at the end of the tunnel. The big man’s anger is understandable yet disheartening.

Everywhere I look, a new pitfall looms. Slash. My mourning for Zeke. Sander and Nadia. My middle brother’s anger. Maintaining the Trinity alliance. Dad’s evasion of justice. The Maddison clan’s ominous silence. Wyatt and Nate’s continuing ignorance of their true financial status.

I’m exhausted even thinking about it.

Yawning, I give up on the kitchen to head for the den. The rocking chair Crystal had brought over from her house is calling my name. It wasn’t optimal, but it’s where I spent the night. I didn’t feel safe sleeping with him in my bed, and no one else could soothe him. With a rotation of people keeping guard, I cuddled Garett all night while I tried to catch some sleep.

The plush chair engulfs me.

The tightness in my back immediately loosens.

I cradle Garrett, loving the feel of his scant weight settling on top of my pregnant belly.

The tiny boy doesn’t like to be put down.

He prefers me holding him over everyone else.

It’s my favourite part of this entire fiasco... Garrett has chosen me with the same lack of hesitation that I chose him. We had an immediate soul connection. A cosmic attachment that makes it feel like he was always meant to be mine.

I don’t know if it’s my hormones, but I can’t imagine life without him already.

“Sleep time, little man,” I croon. The light snuffling sounds he emits while he makes himself comfortable causes my heart to swell in my chest. A sigh of content leaves his mouth as his lips slacken and his pacifier dangles loosely. He sleeps, innocent and content, and I don’t ever want that to change. I bite down on my lip to stop the sob that’s brewing from waking him up. A fat tear rolls down my cheek, and I swipe it away before it can drop onto him. “I’m gonna keep you safe, little man. No one’s going to touch a hair on this head of yours while I’m around.”

As I rock my son, I’m left to marvel at the strange turn of events.

My son.

God, those two words are everything to me.

A new beginning. A second chance. A fresh hope.

Bebe doesn’t know, and she probably wouldn’t care even if I ever had the chance to explain it to her, but she’s done me an immeasurable service. Her sacrifice, selfish or not, setup or not, is the solidification of my inner-most wish. Because the further my pregnancy advances, the harder it becomes to ignore that I want the baby I’m carrying to be Zeke’s. It’s not something I’d admit out loud, especially since I want to have a child with Slash eventually, but this miracle pregnancy is the only chance I’ll have to keep a piece of Zeke with me forever.

Now, thanks to the woman who tried to ruin my life, I can have both things at once.

A child from each of the men I love.

If my husband ever comes home...

43

LAZARUS

Aweek later

When the door to Lily’s bedroom is pulled shut behind Crystal and the short woman carries the baby downstairs with Nadia anxiously shadowing her every step, I step out of Slash’s vacant room into the hallway. Looking both ways, I stride across the empty corridor. As I let myself inside the pitch-black bedroom, I’m struck by how unnaturally quiet the house is, even in the middle of the night.

Usually, Lily’s home is bustling twenty-four hours a day.

The unofficial Shamrocks compound.

A decision I don’t understand.

It’s clear from the quiet that everyone has banded together to allow my woman to sleep through the night for the first time in over a week.

Lily’s sleeping form beckons me forward. With my penlight, I scan her stunning face, taking in the eyelashes fanned over her cheeks, her lips parted as she lightly snores, the elegant length of her neck, tanned shoulder exposed as Lily hugs the bedding to her chest. I smile at the familiar sight of her right leg emerging from under the covers. The smooth skin calls out to me. Stroking my fingertips along the inside of her knee, I close my eyes and level out my breathing. The urge to wake metukà shelì, to press my palm to her mouth to dull her screams as I roll her onto her back, to wedge my body between her thighs and show her how much I miss her, is strong enough to bring me to my knees.

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