Page 196 of Seizing Control: Part One

Breaking point draws ever closer as my past and future threaten to collide.

The fear of failure returns as I anticipate Slash’s reaction to my change of heart over the cherub tattoo.

He is trying.

I am trying.

Together, all we do is try.

But I can only take so much.

The limit of which I’m quickly approaching.

I don’t trust my husband.

I can’t.

Not when he keeps treating me like I’m a ticking timebomb.

His thoughtful gift today is a poisoned chalice.

A remembrance of a man Slash doesn’t miss.

A symbol of a time my husband wishes I’d forget.

Rather than admit that I’m too weak to give the big man what he needs, I embrace the lethargy that’s stalking me. My body is leaden. The racing of my heart exhausts me. It has nothing on the crawling that flares underneath my skin. A living, breathing, manifesting firestorm of venom and spite, a longing to purge my trauma with blood.

I need to cut.

Drain the filth.

I won’t.

I can’t.

Adjusting my arms and legs, I curl my hands around my belly.

It’s an awkward position, yet it’s necessary.

I need to remember the reason why I can’t give up.

My baby.

The only part of Zeke that remains on this earth...

I don’t know when I fall asleep.

All I know is that when I wake, I am protected by strong arms. Spooning me from behind, my husband has his hands over mine. His even breathing tells me that he’s a sleep, yet his grip on my belly is fierce. He’s keeping me warm. Ensuring my safety. Guarding me like I’m precious. Loving me more than I deserve.

I keep letting him down.

The tears that were previously for Zeke return.

This time, they are for both of the men I love.

Slash and Zeke.

Carter and Venom.

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