Page 164 of Seizing Control: Part One

Except this one...

“I need to give you something.” I beckon Crystal to follow me to the muscle car I stole out of Uncle Cass’ shed this morning. After retrieving the sandwich bag that I used to keep the piece of rectangular plastic that changed my life sanitary, I hand it to her. Crystal turns it over in her hands. Twin spots of colour appear in her cheeks, and her eyes silently beseech me to confirm her deduction. “Yes. I’m pregnant.”

I leave unsaid the part where I’m not sure if her son is the father.

Because, with Zeke dead, my husband is going to be a daddy again.

Biologically or not.

“You have no idea how happy this makes me.”

Although I can see half a dozen questions entering Crystal’s head—starting with when I had the opportunity to conceive since we’ve been separated for the past two months, I decide that I’m not hanging around to answer them. Holding up my hand, I apologise profusely, “Look, I’m sorry to do this, but I really need to speak to Slash. We have so many things to discuss… issues to unravel. Can you head off?—”

“We’ll handle the Trinity,” Gabriel tells me. He awkwardly pats my shoulder. “Congratulations. You and Slash will be good parents.” I know that he knows what I did with Zeke straight after my wedding, so I don’t push my luck by pointing out that his faint praise is damning. “Now, I think you need to find your husband and get this marriage back on track.”

“Where do you think he’s headed?”

My mother-in-law rolls her eyes. It such an out-of-character action that I giggle, despite the worry and regret I’m battling to contain. Crystal pins me with a look that low-key questions my intelligence. “He’s where they all go to lick their wounds.”

“The compound.”

She smiles. “The compound.”

As I climb into the restored Charger, I catch sight of Meeyal parked across the road. He’s sitting on his Harley, arms folded over his chest, obviously waiting for me. Rather than apologise for deserting him—and the rest of the Shamrocks—I give him a wave after I’ve reversed out of Slash’s driveway, then I stomp the accelerator and head for the compound for the first time in months.

I’m apprehensive about stepping foot in there.

It was once my home away from home.

Now it’s just another reminder of what I’ve lost.

My innocence.

My faith in my father.

My belief in justice prevailing.

My first love.

My husband?

As I drive, with Meeyal on my six, I make a choice.

For the sake of my sanity.

For my baby’s future.

I have to fight to find, somewhere in between the regrets choking us, common ground with Slash. There is a fifty-percent chance this is his child. Even if it’s not, he will be the only father they know. We need to find a way to co-exist. Work out how to stop hurting each other. Promise to stop running away when things get too tough. Not just to maintain the alliance, so we can learn to lean on each other, trust in each other, as we attempt to heal with one third of our soul gone forever.

33

SLASH

The double doors to the main bar swing open, then they close. The swishing sound is just another thing that grates on my nerves as I try to hide my fucked-up headspace from my club brothers. Toker and Cub aren’t buying my act, but they’ve stayed quiet while we’ve listened to Duke outline the route that we’ll be taking for our run across the Nullarbor Plain. It’s our first run since Venom left us, I became president, and we allied with the Trinity.

My emergence from my room for something other than new bottle of whiskey is being treated like a miracle. The club brothers ambushed me as soon as I arrived back at the compound. A dozen problems were brought to my attention. I was reminded that this run is well overdue.

I should be paying attention and adding my thoughts.

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