Page 148 of Seizing Control: Part One

Never thought I lose my brother’s respect in the process.

Still, as repercussions go, it isn’t even the worst one.

I’ve hurt my wife.

Physically and mentally.

And pie in the sky plans aside, I don’t truly know how to begin to make up for it.

Especially with the anniversary bearing down on me again.

This will be the first time I’m alone while I mourn the death of my son and the loss of my innocence. Without Cherub and Venom, I’m not sure how I’ll survive. They normally baby me through the two weeks Venom allows me to wallow. He allows me to hog his woman’s attention, and I take advantage of the lull in his possessiveness.

That won’t be the case, this year.

I’m on my own.

28

LILY

One week later

“I’m not kiddin’, Anna... only you could manage to get yourself into this kind of predicament.” There’s a mixture of teasing and bewilderment in my best friend’s voice that matches the emotions welling inside of me too. “Like, who gets knocked up on their wedding day?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Nadia laughs at me, and I can’t help but join her. She elbows me on my way past her. I roll my eyes, enter the restroom stall, then lock the door behind me. It’s all very unglamorous, this rushed, clandestine meeting in suburbia, but I can’t have her accidentally leading my husband, my brothers, or the Shamrocks to the farmhouse. The only person outside of my girls who knows where I’ve been hiding out for the past four and a bit weeks is my Uncle Cass.

He’s kept my secret so far.

I cook for him, and he replenishes my supplies.

The meals we share are stilted, a dozen topics off-limits between the two of us. I’m not sure that my uncle understands why I’m hiding out so close to home, but I’m grateful that he hasn’t tried to make me leave.

After my initial relapse, I’ve cut four more times.

It’s embarrassing, but it is what it is.

I’m trying to do better. Especially after the inkling that hit last week when I realised I haven’t used the sanitary items stocked into the bathroom when I first moved in. Hence the urgent meetup with Nadia on a random Monday evening in a suburban shopping mall.

Dressed in my usual jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket, and biker boots, the baseball cap I’m wearing is unlikely to fool Cub if he’s still looking for me. Hopefully the black wig Nads used for Halloween last year helps. Long strands cover my blonde tresses, and I’ve done my best to keep my head down.

I look like a goth girl with a sports fetish.

On the other side of the door, my best friend is dressed like a prairie girl.

Complete with a bonnet and apron, she looks ridiculous.

Knowing that I likely interrupted a role-play session with my twin, I’m loath to ask her why she’s done up the way she is. I don’t need the knowledge in my head, not when I already know too much about their sex life.

“Hurry up.”

“Give me a minute.” I shake my hands out, then decide that they’re not going to stop trembling. I awkwardly rip open the package that Nadia purchased from the pharmacy for me. After reading the instructions, I unbutton my jeans. “This is too hard.”

The sound of water running fills the room.

“Does that help?”

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