Page 115 of Making Choices

She sits up. Indecision flits across her face, then Nadia sniffs. “If you two get back together, you’re not allowed to hold this against me.”

Even though her flip comment about reuniting with Zeke makes my heart race at the same time as my veins fill with ice at the impossibility, I keep my voice steady as I tell her, “On the off chance that the man who is currently fucking his way through a strip club decides that he wants me back, I cross my heart and hope to die, pinkie swear, thumb swear, that I won’t hold anything you’ve said about him against you.”

My best friend blows out three rings of bubble-gum flavoured vapour. “Good.”

Resting uneasily in my seat, I wait for Nadia to speak. When she doesn’t, I extend my leg to nudge her shoulder with my foot. Her gaze is narrow as she tilts her head back to glare up at me. As we peer at each other, time seems to stand still.

When she breaks the silence, I wish she hadn’t.

“Like I said, Venom’s a prick. Always has been, always will be... he’s rude. He’s arrogant. He’s a walking, talking lost cause of a human, a wrecking ball of hatred and violence, but with you, he’s different. You mellow him. Brighten his darkness. Humanise him. Fuck, somehow, when he’s around you, I find myself actually liking him.”

“Okay...” I trail off when I can’t think of anything to say in response to her harsh assessment of the man I love.

“Don’t get me wrong. He’s sexy as fuck. All that danger. The bad boy vibe.” Nadia pushes herself upright. She folds her legs, Lotus-style, and pretends to shiver. “I’d climb that man like a tree if he so much as winked at me.”

“Nads!”

“Don’t Nads me, Lilianna...” my best friend jokes. “I have eyes and a pussy with a pulse.”

“Jesus Christ.” Tilting my face toward the ceiling, I shake my head as I try to decide between laughing or crying. “I don’t know why I bother with you.”

“It’s ’cause you love me.” Laughing, Nadia crawls over to me. She forces my knees apart so she can sit with her back resting against my chair. I reach down to play with her hair, and she preens like a cat. After hooking my calves around her upper arms, my best friend kisses the inside of my knee. “Don’t ever leave me. I’d be lost without you.”

“Same, same, best friend,” I tell her without hesitation.

“We’re ride or die, girlfriend.”

“Forever.”

“Forever and a day.”

The silence that dawns is heavy, even in the noisy nightclub. Thankfully, it’s not oppressive. Instead of crushing me, the quiet feels introspective. Lost in thought, I work my fingers through the sweaty curls at the nape of Nadia’s neck while she traces patterns on my calf. The pounding beat of the electronica thumps hard. My skin tingles every time the cold air sweeps over me.

“Have you ever kissed Slash?” Nadia asks after a good ten minutes. “Not a peck or anything, like with tongue and stuff.”

“No.”

Twisting so she can see my face, she screws her nose up. “I don’t believe you.”

Since my best friend is like a dog with a bone, I should’ve expected her to return to the topic of Slash after her comments about his inches while we were apartment hunting. Determined to shut her down quickly, I shrug and offer a curt reply, “Don’t care, it’s still true.”

“Not even once?”

“Not even once.”

“Geez,” she scoffs. “You’re fuckin’ nuts. He’s hot as fuck... he’d be perfect as a rebound… or a husband. ’Cause that giant teddy bear is definitely hubby material. He’ll be a fabulous dad one day.”

“I’m not ready to even think about sex… or marriage and children.” The ache in my chest that dawned when Nadia first mentioned Zeke morphs into a stabbing pain. Thoughts of the baby I lost flood my head. Drawing my legs away from Nadia, I hug my knees to my chest. “Me and Slash... we’re friends.”

“You and Venom were friends too.”

“Yeah.” It’s hard to explain, but mine and Zeke’s relationship always felt inevitable. My love for Slash is inescapable. It’s the same in intensity, totally equal in depth, yet it feels different in ways I don’t have the words to explain. Rather than attempt to justify something that I don’t fully understand myself, I choose to deflect instead. “And look where that got me.”

“So, you’re saying that you haven’t ever thought about him like that?”

“Who... Slash?”

“Yeah... the beautiful, six foot eight, man-bunned Adonis you currently live with.”

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