Page 80 of Caged Bliss

“She seems healthy too,” Stefania muses, eyebrows pinched in thought. I swear she’s about to come up and check my freaking teeth. “I bet she could carry a big old litter.”

“Okay, too far!” I finally say and all three women laugh at me. I glare right back, annoyed that I somehow got teased. “I’m not even thinking about kids yet.”

“Don’t rush into it,” Elena says, patting my knee. “Seriously, we’re just kidding around.”

“Kids are great though.” Emily gets up and walks over to Jeremy. She scoops him up into her arms as Freddie flops down into a chair, out of breath from playing with the little guy.

“Didn’t she just say how hard it was?” I mutter under my breath and Elena stifles a laugh.

“What’d I miss?” Freddie looks around. “The vibe’s weird over here.”

“I just told them that Davide and I aren’t going to have kids.” Stefania says it so casually I almost don’t realize what’s happening. But suddenly Elena’s gripping my arm and sitting very, very still.

Freddie turns to look at Stefania—and snorts. “Took you long enough to admit it.”

“Huh?” Stefania asks, blinking rapidly.

“Come on, it’s obvious.” Freddie looks around for support, but nobody says anything. “What, none of you figured that out already?”

“I guess we’re the regressive ones,” Elena says with a laugh.

“My generation fought and died for your feminist right to do whatever you want with your body, and here you three are, talking about pumping out kids.” Freddie sighs, shaking her head.

“Mom, you had five,” Elena points out.

“And that’s my feminist right too. Really, I thought I raised you better.”

Stefania laughs and drinks, which finally breaks the tension. The conversation moves on to easier subjects: movies, TV shows, the new guards, construction going on in a few of the houses, and a million other little domestic issues. I sit back and listen, and occasionally they draw me into the conversation. As the afternoon wears on, I start to feel more and more comfortable.

I didn’t have a family like this growing up—it was just me and Serena. Uncle Rodney was like a vaguely abusive caretaker more than an actual parent, and now I can see what I was missing.

There’s real warmth between these people. Stefania and Emily both married into the Biancos, and maybe one day I can have that same level of familiarity—if that’s where my relationship with Angelo is going, which they all seem to think it is—and that gives me hope for the future.

Though I wonder how my sister’s going to fit in all this.

If she even can fit.

What’ll happen once this fighting’s over? And she’s still an addict? I used to dream about rehab, about getting an apartment together, about starting over. And now I’m just hoping she’s still alive in the next few days.

Beyond that, I don’t know how we’ll fit.

Serena isn’t Angelo’s problem. She’s not the Bianco family’s problem either. I’m the one that swore I’d take care of her, and I’ll have to sacrifice some time with these people, but I’m not giving up on my sister, not until there’s no other option.

I can imagine a better life. Sometimes, I even let myself indulge. But I always come back to the way things were, and the way things were supposed to be, and those dreams always involve her.

“Thanks for inviting me today,” I tell Elena as we walk out of Emily’s place together. Stefania’s staying behind to help clean up and Freddie’s spending more time with Jeremy. “I know my relationship with Angelo is really new and kind of weird, but I appreciate it.”

“No worries, I’m glad you came. I know things got a little heavy back there.” She laughs lightly and loops an arm through mine. “We’re not always so intense about kids and stuff. I guess it’s just that age, right?”

“I guess.” I gaze across the oasis at the beautiful buildings and the quiet blocks. Shade trees blow in the breeze, their branches bending with the wind. Their shadows flex across the sidewalk. “Honestly, I just felt bad, you know? Like I shouldn’t have been a part of that conversation.”

Elena nods and pauses, one hand on my arm. “I don’t know what you and Angelo are saying to each other. I’m guessing you’re together, or you’re getting close to being together, or something like that. I get that things are complicated, and there’s no rush from me. But I also see the way he looks at you.”

I try not to smile. “Really?”

“Oh my god, everyone sees it. You’re like the only person in the world when you two are around each other. It’s absolutely disgusting.”

“Come on, we’re not that bad.”

---