Page 76 of Knowing Trust

And if there was ever a time I wasn’t going to be a pain in the ass and do what I needed to… It was right then.

The fairies who had been guarding the portal woke and were confused. They had no idea—never even sensed anyone. They just went down.

No one blamed them. No one. They were grunts to protect against humans stumbling upon the portals or supes. Not a crazed member of the royal family.

“We need to figure out some type of warning,” I told Neldor after he was filled in. “If they could feel what we did through the portals to Faerie—we need to do better. There has to be some way to shut it down or—something.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, Tams,” he agreed, leaning over and kissing my hair but also so he could whisper in my ear. “I need you to be checked by Calarel. Please?”

I heard the worry in his voice and nodded, glancing up at him. “What happened?”

“We’re at fifty thousand awakened and we’re guessing we’ve not even checked in a quarter.” He nodded when I sighed.

Getting more awake was great. I wasn’t knocking that. Having more power was even better.

I had no control or… Well, I had control. I had punched the gas. But there was no—everything was too chaotic.

He got back to it and I probably should have as well, but someone had to be there for Stefanie. She had no family left really. She did have a few and they were clean nobles, but she wasn’t close with them since she was so much older and hadn’t gone the path of taking charge of her family’s area. She’d served in the Dark Guardians against her father’s sexist wishes.

I never had the heart to ask her if she learned he was clean or one of the bad elders. I wasn’t sure she wanted to know either since he died in the war.

I think she wanted to believe he was one of the good ones even if a sexist fool who didn’t have enough faith in his daughter. From what I knew, he died because he joined in the fight even as an elder and died honorably.

Though I always had a problem thinking of people who died in war as dying honorably. Or at least the wars in Faerie. They all seemed so pointless.

But they weren’t to the people who had fought them and they didn’t commit war crimes, so that was honorable.

All of it spun around in my mind as I ate, watched over her, and checked in with the healers when they did their thing. I also read my mother’s journal, specifically the part on how to use the magical box thing.

It was after midnight when I glanced over to check on her and saw she was staring at me.

“How bad?” she whispered. “Please, just tell me.”

“They say you’ll never fly again,” I answered. “Beyond that, we don’t know until you heal. You broke your magical everything, so it will be a while until we know the full extent.”

She closed her eyes but not before I saw the tears. They leaked out as she tried to be brave against the pain.

I reached out and moved my hand against hers, letting her make the choice. She grabbed onto it with all she had and even pulled on it, so I dropped the journal and sat on the bed with her. I couldn’t hug her since she was propped up on her side but mostly her stomach so her wings could be out so the healers could have access to them.

“I’m sorry, Stefanie,” I rasped as I kissed her hair and held her as best as I could. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t—I’m sorry.”

“We were both—all of us. We just needed some fun,” she forgave.

“There’s more to this,” I confessed.

“I saw his eyes. He’s a Vale.”

I sighed and kissed her hair again before telling her everything I knew.

She was quiet for several minutes and I thought she had drifted back to sleep, but then she reached up and wiped her eyes.

“If things were calm and we were post-emergency—even if everyone was awake or settled, I would be upset that you kept this from those of us you trust and it led to this. But I could have told you to put your barrier back up, Tamsin. Any of us could have reminded you. We were—the chances and timing—”

“How did he know?” I gasped.

She sighed. “That’s easy enough. All the planning we’ve been doing and people talking. If he’s of the royal family, he can easily cloak around the grunts. But we were all a bit lax because we knew there was a rogue ancient working with demons.”

“How are you comforting me when I’m the reason you’re like this?” I asked.

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