Page 73 of Racing Hearts

“Please don’t do this, Evan,” I plead. I can’t lose him, but I can’t do this. Doesn’t he see my panic? The whole party fades, the edges blackening until I feel like I’ll pass out.

I’m back there, at that other party, even though I’m here, holding on to Evan, then he takes his arm away, my lifeline holding me to the present.

“Then it’s over.” He leaves, and I fall backwards into my memories.

I don’t even know how I make it out of the party, but when I’m back in my car, Lally is leaning against my side, the door open. “Should I call your sister?” she murmurs kindly.

I turn my head away, not wanting her to see me cry.

Why does it just feel like I lost my entire world?

“Okay, do you need me to drive with you? You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“No,” I croak. “Just be with him. Thanks.” I shut the door before she can protest, and despite my words, I barely remember the drive home or collapsing into my bed and rolling over to bury my nose in my comforter.

The tears come then, and I bite down on my tongue so hard to stop Alice from overhearing that I taste blood.

I cry silently for what we could have been if I was strong enough, but I’m not. I’m weak, just like they said—weak and wrong.

THIRTY-FIVE

It was stupid to go to that party, but I needed an escape. I needed to numb myself and not feel for a moment. I never expected to see him there nor to assault him like that. I practically forced him to out himself. That’s fucked up, but I think I needed to so I could end this before I got hurt even more.

Maybe I’m scared, or maybe I’m just done with loving someone who can never love me back. Either way, it’s over, and I’m back to being alone again.

My friends are around me, they haven’t left my side since the party on Saturday, but I feel alone. He’s all I think about. I find myself reaching for my phone to call him so I can tell him about something minor that happened. I sleep in his shirt and look for him in every crowd, but he’s just gone, like he was never part of my life to begin with.

I should feel relieved, but as I stare at the empty spot his car usually fills near my campus building, I only feel tired and sad.

It isn’t fair. Why does everyone else get to be happy?

Why does everyone else get to be with the person they love?

Does everyone have to fight this hard not to go back to the person who broke their heart?

The campus is tense and quiet. Some students have skipped school this week, while other classes have been canceled, and there’s an increase in security and police presence. The tree is still cordoned off with tape, a stark reminder of what happened, and as I stare at it, I can’t help but feel like we are all waiting for something else to happen, which wouldn’t surprise me since they were murdered.

The murderer is still out here, free and among us.

I don’t remember what happened in my classes. I do have a meeting with my photography advisor to discuss the images, but I know I can’t use them. I can’t do that to Alek when he doesn’t want them in the showcase. I might be a bastard who tried to force him to accept us, but I’m not that much of a bastard. Maybe that’s why I’ve been antsy all day. I’m angry at myself for doing that.

When the message comes, I’m almost relieved.

I head straight there after class, unlocking the mausoleum with my key and taking the tunnel like Liam showed me. It doesn’t take long, and when I head into the manor house, no one is there. I must be the first. I slump into one of the sofas, letting my head hit the back as I close my eyes.

“There’s my jailbird,” comes a voice sometime later. I crack an eye open and smile as Bones walks my way.

“Thanks for that, by the way. I know Alek called you?—”

“Eh.” He drops into the chair next to me. “I was already on my way when he called. One of us saw it go down and alerted us. Like we said, Evan, you’re one of ours, and we have your back.”

“You were going to come and defend me not knowing if I did it?” I snort.

“You’re not a killer, Evan.” He looks at me meaningfully. “But yes.”

“Good, you’re here,” Autumn calls, hustling in with the others in tow. Everyone quickly spreads out as the meeting starts. “Okay, Evan, give us a rundown. What happened?”

“I was one of many who found the bodies. I went inside to protect a friend when the police came to speak to me.” I tell them what they probably already know, and then glance at Bones.

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