Page 106 of Racing Hearts

She sniffles, wiping her face. “I don’t even know.”

God, my heart breaks for them both. I wish I could do something, but my fists won’t fix this. Instead, I tug my sister closer and wrap them in my arms, ignoring the lingering pain as I hold the two most important people in my world. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ll be right here, and no one will ever hurt you again. Just cry, scream, whatever you need to do. I’m right here. I can take it. Blame me if you need to blame someone.”

“Alek.” Alice pulls away. “It’s not your fault. Don’t do that. You did the same thing when Mom and Dad died. You won’t bear this weight alone. What happened tonight was horrible, but it isn’t on your shoulders, okay? You did everything you could to protect us. It isn’t your fault, big brother.”

Why do her words make me want to cry?

“When did you get so smart, kid?” I tease, ruffling her hair.

She smiles, if only slightly, before glancing at Evan and then looking back at me. “Look after him, alright? I can take care of myself, I promise.”

Blinking, I stare at my sister, realizing for the first time just how grown up she is. She isn’t the same little girl I gave up my life to raise and protect. She’s a woman who’s strong and kind, and she’s giving me permission to let her go.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully, but as she sits back and takes Lally’s hand, I know I can a little. Evan is right. My life isn’t Alice’s.

It’s mine and Evan’s.

He’s my reason for living, and he needs me right now.

I’ll stay and take his pain, anger, and guilt. I’ll do whatever it takes to help him heal from tonight.

FIFTY

Idon’t know what I should be feeling right now, but I’m a mess inside—cold and numb and feeling too much at once. It’s almost like a dream, one I can’t wake up from, like I can’t take a breath deep enough to fight it off.

Tommy deserves this though. Alek is worried, wanting to go with me, and I know he wants to help, but this is something I need to do.

Taking my phone outside, I look up at the night sky for strength, my finger hesitating on the call button. I can’t even imagine what they will feel when they get this call in the middle of the night.

Their son is dead.

He was murdered.

How do you recover from that?

You don’t.

Glancing back through the glass doors, I see Alek waiting for me in the station. Alice leans into Lally’s side, her eyes closed, and Skylar and Bones argue at another desk, which makes me smile for a second, but we are missing someone. We are missing our painter, and I know there will always be a hole where he belongs. All of us feel that, bonded over the trauma and horror we endured tonight.

Looking at my phone, I linger over the number, scared.

“Evan?”

My head snaps up at the soft, familiar, female voice, and I see a hesitant Clarissa standing there, her teeth digging into her lip nervously. “It is you, hi,” she murmurs, glancing around.

My brows draw together as I meet her eyes. “Hi, what are you doing here?”

“A friend told me what happened tonight and that he’s here.” She looks scared, her eyes darting inside as she hesitates. “Is it true that he’s been caught? For good this time?”

I nod, pushing away from the wall and pocketing my phone. If anyone understands trauma, it’s her. “It’s true. He was caught, and he won’t be getting out for a long time. Do you want me to walk you inside?”

She bites her lip harder. “I don’t know if I can go in just yet. Can you stay with me for a minute?” Her eyes widen. “I’m sorry. That’s so selfish of me. I can’t even begin to imagine what you have endured tonight.”

I wave it away with a forced smile. “I need air anyway. I like the silence out here. My friends are worried, and it’s kind of choking me.”

“I bet. I used to hate the way everyone looked at me,” she admits, wincing. “Pity mixed with?—”

“Guilt and relief,” I mutter, and she nods, moving closer.

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