Page 96 of Rebel

“And we were your bandmates, your boyfriends,” Chase retorts, making me flinch.

I turn to Trav, knowing he’s the most levelheaded. If anyone will understand, it will be him. He’ll be hurt, but he’ll listen, yet he’s watching me with tears in his eyes.

“I love you, Beck. You made me fall in love with you.” His face pulls together like he tasted something sour. “Is that what you wanted? To destroy me that way? Congratulations.”

“No, I didn’t,” I insist, but he shakes his head, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I fucking love you, but right now, I don’t like you one fucking bit.”

“You can’t love a lie,” Chase tells him. “And her? She’s just a lie, a carefully crafted dagger in a beautiful package. Congratulations, Beck—Summer, you got what you wanted.” He throws his arms wide. “You got all our dirty fucking secrets. You got our friendship, our trust . . . our love. Use it, show the whole world.”

He looks at me with such venom that I actually step back, and I get my first look at the asshole side of Chase, the one everyone hates. Even when I first met him, there was a teasing note in his voice, but now, there is only sharp anger that cuts into me.

Trav eyes me sadly, and I see so much hurt in his eyes, I have to wrap my arms around my stomach to stop myself from reaching for him. “Just so you know, we had nothing to do with what your sister did. We didn’t even know or we would have tried to save her.” He leaves, slamming the door behind me, and a piece of my heart cracks from the sight.

Swallowing, I glance at Kolton. His eyes are on the floor, and he won’t even look at me.

Chase sneers at me. “I thought I was the bastard, but I was wrong.” He follows after Trav, the force of the door slamming rocking the new mug shot on the wall.

Kolton glances at me, meeting my eyes for the first time since I started talking, and the pain in his gaze is my undoing. “I hope your revenge was worth this.” He leaves as well.

He slams the door, and the frame falls, cracks spreading across the glass over my face.

I gasp, covering my heart with my hand. It feels like it’s being ripped apart. I can’t breathe, can’t think.

I got exactly what I wanted.

I got the truth, but the consequences are too much to bear.

Tears run in rivulets down my face and soak into my pillow as I close my eyes and skip to the next tape.

The house was too big, too quiet, so I reached for the only thing I could—her tapes. Her voice reminds me why I did this.

“I fucking hate it here,” she sobs. “I feel so alone all the time. There are so many people around me, yet not one of them knows what’s going on. The guys try to be here for me, but they don’t understand. How could they? I don’t let them in. I can’t let them in. Fuck, sis, I don’t know what to do. I don’t see a way out. I’m so fucking lost.” Her sobs break my heart.

Maybe we are both doomed to feel heartbreak and suffer alone.

It feels like we’ve been here so many times before . . . like I’m reliving her life.

“I wish you were here. You’d see through it all, know the answers. You always did.”

I almost snort. That’s where she’s wrong.

“You were always the calm one, while I was always reckless.”

I guess we were more alike than I thought.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying into these tapes, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know where else to go. It’s like I’m lost down a darkened street, every door is locked, every curtain is shut tight, and not a peep of light is to be seen, and I’m just wandering around and around in circles, begging for someone to help, and they never do.”

It’s like I’m seeing my sister’s life through photos, never quite fast enough to be in them, and I hate that. I feel so useless and lost, just like she was.

“I’m scared because it’s closing in around me, and I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She trails off for a moment. “I wish I were as brave as you, but I’m not. I’m sorry.”

The tape cuts out then, and I close my eyes, my tears falling harder.

I’m not brave, not in the slightest.

I’m a fucking coward.

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