Page 92 of Rebel

The bench rocks, creaking as someone sits heavily next to me.

Ben.

“So what now?” he asks. “The Trav thing was a dead end. We need more against them?—”

“I don’t know if it was them,” I admit softly. He’s quiet for a moment, and I can’t meet his eyes.

“Don’t tell me they’ve blinded you too. I saw the news,” he spits in disgust, and I glance his way to see his anger, but under it all is devastation that I might be giving in and letting my sister’s justice go.

I sigh. “No, but I don’t want to be blind with grief and anger too. All my instincts and everything I’ve found makes me wonder if they were involved at all.”

“If not them, then who?” Ben asks. “It had to be someone close.”

“I know, which means they would know too, even if they don’t realize it,” I murmur, my eyes locked on the bridge.

Did it hurt?

Did she regret it?

When she tumbled over the edge, was she cold? Scared?

I hope not.

I hope it was so fast, she didn’t feel anything, just closed her eyes and it was over. I know that’s a foolish, naïve want, but it’s the only thing that helps me swallow back my tears and not break down right here.

“So what’s the plan, Beck? You approached me, gave me hope. I need answers. I need justice,” he admits.

“As do I. I’m not giving up. I’m just . . . changing my approach,” I tell him. “I just wanted you to know.” I reach over and cover his hand. “We’ll find whoever did it. I promise you that.”

“Just don’t forget why you’re here, Beck.” He stands. “Don’t forget her.”

I watch him go, knowing I never could.

She is ingrained in every part of me.

There is no me without her, and maybe that’s why I’m so reluctant to confront the guys. Because once the truth is out, she will be gone for real, and I will have to find a way to live without her.

That’s something I never thought I would have to do.

She was supposed to outlive me so I would never miss her.

I was supposed to go first.

How do I find a way to survive that?

Putting my headphones in, I stare at the bridge as her voice fills my head. “I wrote a song for you today, sissy.” There’s happiness in her tone. I picked a tape at random, one I’d never listened to. “I haven’t shown anyone else, even the guys.” She laughs. “It’s just for us. I have this dream that we will meet again and everything will be okay. We’ll forgive each other and be better than ever, and you will help me finish it, and we’ll go up on stage together and perform it because that’s where you belong—on stage. Until then, here is the start. I hope you like it.”

Two souls, lost and alone.

We meet again at the crossroad.

So many memories, so much pain,

But when I look into your eyes, I’m home again . . .

Her drawling voice brings tears to my eyes. I can hear the love, hope, and happiness in her tone.

To know she went from dreaming of her future to ending it all right here breaks my heart. Did she sit here and plan it?

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