Page 75 of Rebel

I don’t know how long I sit here before his voice comes. It’s not even a surprise. I knew he would find me. After what we did tonight, Chase Reed is on the hunt, and I’m in his crosshairs. The worst bit? I want it too. I want to find out if he really fucks as good as he touches. It will give me a better chance for revenge, which is the only reason I’m doing it.

A connection, no matter what, will help.

It’s definitely not because I want him . . .

“If you are trying to stop me from wanting you, then you’re doing it wrong,” Chase comments idly, heading my way. “You looked incredible all decked out tonight, pretty girl, but this is my favorite look of yours, Beck—messy hair, clean face, big shirt. It’s you, and it makes me hard as fuck.”

“My mission in life is to make you hard,” I sneer even as I sit a bit taller, to my own annoyance.

He sits beside me, his own beer in hand. His suit is gone, and his hair is messy, like he’s been running his hands through it. He’s in nothing but some low-slung shorts, showing off his incredible body. Ignoring my desire, I sip my beer and look away, not wanting to be swayed by muscles.

After all, I’m only so strong, and his are fucking amazing.

They were made to be stared at, touched, and licked.

No, shit, stop.

“Look, Beck, I wasn’t thinking when I said that shit earlier. I’ll admit I like your jealousy a little, but not now. I kind of hate it actually.” I swing my gaze to his, about to deny my jealousy, when he smiles. “I don’t want you to be. Not really.” He swallows. “You’re the only one who has ever seen me, the real me, and wanted me.”

I snort now. “Everyone wants you, Reed,” I snap.

“Sure, everyone wants me,” he mutters, but it sounds bitter, and I spare him a searching glance. He’s staring at the ground, his hands gripping his beer so hard I’m shocked it’s not broken. His back is hunched, and his lips are twisted.

His words are a statement, but he doesn’t seem happy about them, which is what leaves me confused and causes my anger and jealousy to flee.

“Everyone wants me, Beck.” I roll my eyes, thinking he’s bragging again, but when he carries on, my annoyance fades. “They want the visage, the rock god, the pretty boy . . . They don’t care about anything else. They don’t want the dark and ugly parts of me. They didn’t want the addiction and recovery. They wanted to fuck the perfect party boy. They didn’t care if it sent me spiraling again. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve tried to get clean, only for a partner to shove drugs at me to make me more interesting. Everyone wants me, but not the real me. Nobody ever gave a fuck about what’s under my skin. I’m just a story, a dirty tale they brag to their friends about or sell to the tabloids. I’m not even human to them. I’m like a fucking roller coaster or mountain they want to brag about conquering.”

I swallow hard, meeting his dark eyes, and guilt fills me. I once thought I’d fuck Chase just for the experience.

He’s right. People brag about it like a conquest, and as I stare into his eyes, I can see the number it has done on him. Chase might be a flirt, but like everyone in this world, he just wants to be wanted, needed, and maybe even loved. He looked for it in all the wrong places and got hurt time and time again.

“I learned to become what they wanted, and I never let anyone close enough to see that I was drowning. I fucked around and numbed myself with the drugs, but even pleasure and the high couldn’t stop it altogether. I was teetering on the edge, and the guys helped save me. I know what you think of me, that I’m some vain fuck boy, and you’d be right, but I want to be so much more. I always did. No one ever gave me the chance to be, so don’t touch me, Beck, unless you mean it. Don’t you kiss me unless it’s because you want me, all of me, not just the outside. I couldn’t handle it again. I want more than being desired. I want to be loved, Beck. That’s the sad fucking truth. I want to be loved so fucking badly, and I’m so tired of looking for it in random beds.”

He meets my eyes, and my heart breaks for him. Chase Reed is drowning, and he thinks the only way to get people to love him is to fuck them.

I want to be different for him. I don’t have the words, though, so I grip his cheeks and kiss him softly. It’s a promise, one I don’t even understand myself. He freezes at first before relaxing, his mouth parting so I can deepen the kiss. He tries to haul me onto his lap and turn it feral, but I slow him down and eventually pull back.

As I take in his lustful expression, something twinges in my heart, making it hurt.

“Take me to bed,” I whisper.

Swallowing hard, he takes my hand and leads me up to his room. All my plans to seduce him and get what I want are gone. I might be in it for revenge, but until I’m sure, I can’t hurt this man more than everyone else already has. I can’t lose myself that much.

When we get in there, he starts to reach for my clothes, but I shake my head, and he drops his hands, looking confused. Smiling softly, I climb into the bed and under the covers. “Come hold me?” I ask.

He watches me. “Beck?”

“Just hold me. Let’s kiss and cuddle and talk, okay? I want you, I’ll admit that, but I won’t be like them and fuck you just because. You’re right. I want more than your skin. I want to know everything underneath too. It isn’t like that between us, so just let me hold you tonight, okay?”

For a moment, I swear I see tears in his eyes before he clambers into the bed, flopping into my arms. I wrap my arms and legs around him, kissing his head as I hold him tight. His hands grip me tighter, as if he’ll never let me go.

“Pretty girl,” he murmurs.

“Reed.” I grin, kissing his head again and feeling him shudder.

Our desire is still there, but neither of us act on it. We don’t need to. He doesn’t need to fuck me for a connection, and I’m showing him that. “You are more than your body, Chase Reed,” I promise. “And when we fuck, and we will, I don’t plan to tell anybody.”

His head jerks up, and hurt flashes in his eyes, so I grip his cheeks. “Not because I’m ashamed but because they don’t need to know. They don’t matter. What we do is between us. I’ll fuck you because I want you, not because I want everyone to know. What we do in these sheets is nobody’s fucking business, Reed.”

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