Page 61 of Rebel

Surely it has to be about her. None of them mention her; they hide it. I know all about his addiction and past, which he’s very open about, but not her.

He blinks, his face paling as he watches me, and I cock my head as my lips tilt up. “You have to answer.”

The music pounds as I hear Trav and Kolton dancing and drinking behind us, thinking we are flirting. They have no idea I’m cutting Chase Reed open and letting all that vile evilness spread out.

He blinks, guilt and pain filling his eyes. He’s completely still beneath me. “Ask anything else,” he croaks, practically begging. “You want my body count? Which celebrities I’ve?—”

“Chase,” I scold. “Don’t tell me you’re scared.”

“Fucking terrified,” he admits, and it’s my turn to blink in shock. “If I tell you, you will never look at me the same way again. You will never touch me again. I will lose you too.”

Swallowing, I search his eyes, unsure what to say as his jaw grinds and he looks away for a moment before blowing out a breath.

“Our singer before you, Willa, she died—no. She killed herself. I knew she was struggling, and I did nothing. I was so fucking caught up in my own shit with addiction. When the news came out, I went into rehab, and I got clean. I knew I needed to, and I went there. I wasn’t there to defend her, and I regret it. It’s my dirtiest, darkest secret. I was so fucking dumb, too doped up and lost, that I let someone take their own life when I could have helped.”

My ears ring, and my heart stops. It’s the first time they’ve admitted it out loud and said her name. It sounds dirty and pained, like a secret, not the oath and prayer it should be.

Fine. I’ll be her retribution. I’ll be her god so they pray for her forgiveness.

I’ll be the devil if I have to, surrounded by sinners.

Our eyes are locked, so I try to hide my disgust, anger, and hatred. “You were an addict, Chase.” I push each word out, carving the word liar across my soul for them all to see. “It was not your job to help someone else.”

He blinks and nods, but I need to get away and get his hands off me. I feel sick to my stomach.

For a moment, her image flashes across his face, her mouth open on a silent scream as she plummets from the bridge.

Did she regret it?

Did it hurt?

Did she finally find peace from her troubled life, or did she fight when she hit the water? Fight for every last scrap of her fucked-up dream and reality.

I don’t know which I want to be true.

“Beck?” Chase says, interrupting my thoughts, and I blink, realizing I’ve been staring off into space.

“I think the alcohol is hitting me.” I smile, but it feels fragile, and I know he sees it, but I can’t stop it. My life has been entangled with my sister’s since the moment she was born and I swore to my mom I’d protect her. I failed her, and now my life is just a memory of hers.

A shadow.

My every waking moment is entwined with hers, and I have no happy memories anymore. They are all sour and tainted by her death.

My entire purpose was to protect my family, and I failed spectacularly.

I won’t fail again.

Swinging my leg over him, I stand and turn in time to grab a drink Kolt is offering. Chase climbs to his feet too. “I need to piss,” he says, and I watch him go.

“Dance with me.” Trav grins, totally oblivious. He grabs me, spinning me around as I laugh, forcing myself to be in the mood. I need this.

Chase is still holding back, but it’s clear his loose lips might get better with booze, so when he comes back, his expression downcast and hard, I hand him a drink. He watches me carefully before taking it and shooting it back as I smile.

“Dance?” I question, taking his hand and dragging him onto the makeshift dance floor.

His arms wrap around me as I lift my leg and place it on his hip, our bodies swaying and grinding together as the sultry music pours through the speakers. His head descends, and he runs his nose up my neck as I lean my head back.

Another body joins us, and hands grip my hips as they roll into me, sandwiching me between two hard chests. My eyes close, and I lose myself to the music.

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