Page 143 of Rebel

“And so would what you worked for,” I retort.

“Who cares? If it’s between that or letting you ruin it, so be it. I’ll just be the manager who was stuck with a bad band. Now, do we have a deal?” As I stare into her eyes, I have to bite back my fury.

Now is not the time.

I can’t win like this.

Not yet anyway.

“Fine, I’ll go tomorrow.”

She smirks at me, prodding her lip. “Have a good night, Beck. It will be your last one here.”

I watch her go, my heart in my throat, and a sick feeling churns in my stomach.

I’m going to break the guys’ hearts, but it’s better than ruining everything they have worked so hard for.

No, it’s better this way.

I never really belonged.

I’ll go, leaving nothing but a sad, bad memory behind.

I guess my sister and I really are the same person.

SIXTY-FIVE

Idon’t go back to the green room. I can’t face them, not right now. Rachel leaves, knowing she’s won, and I sink onto our bed at the back of the bus. My hands clench the bedding that smells like all of us, a scent I’ll miss.

My eyes rove around the bus, and even though I haven’t been in here with them long, it felt like home. It felt safe. I was wrong.

I can’t let them lose everything for me.

They’ll hate me, but hopefully, one day, they will understand I’m doing this for them. I know I don’t have much time, but I can’t seem to move. Everything’s happening so fast, I barely have time to think, never mind breathe.

I do the only thing I can when I feel like this—I grab my sister’s tape and flop back onto the bed. “Did you go through this?” I whisper as I stare at the bus’s ceiling where we stuck glowing stars, one for each of us. “I feel so alone.”

I pick a tape at random. There are still so many, I haven’t gotten through all of them yet.

“Hey, Sum.” There’s a pause and a sniffle. “I guess you know I’m feeling low right now, hence me speaking to you. Well, speaking to you like this and wishing it were really you. I’m just so . . . I’m so lost, Summer. You always said I had a way of finding trouble, and I guess you were right. You were always the smart one, and right now, I need that intelligence. I don’t know what to do. I just . . . I just miss you so much on nights like this. I stare at the stars in whatever city we are in, and I wonder where you are. I wonder if you are staring at them too, thinking of me like I’m thinking of you.”

I want to scream.

“Maybe one day, we’ll be under the same stars. That’s what I hope anyway, but until then, Sum, know that wherever I am, I’m with you. Whatever happened, whatever we said, it doesn’t matter. You’re my sister, and I love you, and I’m with you.”

Somehow, I picked the exact tape I needed to hear. My sister would forgive me for walking away, for giving up on revenge. She would forgive me as long as I knew it was the right decision. She would trust me, even when we broke each other’s hearts. She left me all alone to follow her dreams, but I let her go.

I let her go and said nothing. It’s in that moment I realize that night, she looked back, but not out of sadness or anger.

It was hope. She hoped I would stop her.

Hoped I would come.

Hoped I would still love her, even if we weren’t right next to each other.

There’s noise outside the bus, noise I recognize without hesitation—my guys. My heart clenches.

Will they see the truth on my face?

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