Page 105 of Rebel

It won’t be easy, but I never did like taking the easy way out anyway.

I’ll fight for them this time—for us.

FORTY-SEVEN

“Ask.” I jerk my head up at Trav’s cool voice, but when he looks at me, I see sadness in his gaze, not anger. “About your sister. This thing between us will never go away until you have your truth, so ask.”

After drying off and dressing, we all piled under Kolton’s quilt, tangled together, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before we had to talk. Despite everything, I need answers, and they need the whole truth.

Sitting up against the headboard, I look at my nails. “My sister left me tapes. She spiraled in them. I know she killed herself, know she was alone that night on the bridge and made that choice, but . . . I know something drove her there. I need to know what.” I lift my head. “Do you know why she ended her life?”

“No,” Trav admits hoarsely. “It’s the same thing we have asked ourselves over and over again.”

Kolton nods. “We thought she was okay. We knew she had become a little addicted to alcohol, but the rock and roll life is hard, and we thought she was coping the best she could. She was very good at hiding things.”

“I guess sisters are alike,” Chase mutters, and I flinch. “He’s right. She hid it well, or maybe we were just too buried in our own shit to notice.” He swallows. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back and scream at myself to wake up and see her drowning, but I can’t. I can’t change it. I’m sorry.”

“We are guilty of not noticing her reaching that point, of being around her but never really seeing, but you need to know this, Beck. We loved your sister.” My heart stops for a moment. “As a friend,” Trav adds quickly. “It’s true she, um, wanted more, but I never did. We were close, all of us, but Chase is right. This life is hard, but it’s no excuse. We should have noticed. We fucked up, but I swear we never did anything to hurt your sister.”

“Did she say we did?” Kolton asks.

“No, she just . . . she hinted that something was happening, like someone was hurting her or bullying her and it drove her to the end. She felt so alone, so scared, and she kept saying she didn’t know what to do. I figured it had to be someone close, and since you guys were her band?—”

“Makes sense.” Trav nods. “Maybe, if you feel comfortable with it, we could listen to them and try to figure it out together. It’s something we have suffered with as well, and despite what you thought, I want the truth too. I want to know what happened to her.”

“Okay.” I blow out a breath. “In honor of being honest and shit, I contacted Ben. He’s a journalist, and he’s been helping me. He knows about Trav’s accident, he’s the one who dug it up, but I set him straight.” Trav flinches. “He was in love with my sister. He wants to know what happened and to expose whoever did it as well.”

They look worried, but they accept what I’m saying. “So it’s settled. We’ll find out what happened to her together.” Chase looks around. “Like we should have in the first place.”

Something about that seems to take a weight off my shoulders, like I have been carrying around this burden all alone and struggling and now someone has grabbed the other end and is helping me lift the insurmountable weight.

“So we work together and find out what happened to your sister, but then what? What about you, Beck—Summer? All you cared about was finding the truth, you joined the band because of that, so when you have your answer, will you leave?” Kolton asks, watching me carefully.

“What do you want from your life, Beck?” Trav questions.

“Honestly, I don’t know. For so long, I lived to take care of my mother, so I couldn’t have my own dreams, then all I could think about was getting the truth, getting even for my sister. I’ve never had a moment to consider what I would want out of my own life because I never thought I’d have one. I’ve lived every day for someone else, so it didn’t leave much room for me.”

“And now?” Chase presses. “We are asking if there is room. This is your life, Beck, and once the truth is out, you have to keep living. You need to find what makes you happy, what inspires you, even if that isn’t music. It’s time to stop living for everyone else and start living for you.”

“I want to be happy,” I admit. “I want to belong to something again, to someone. I want to have a family, and I want to sing.” I pull those wants from deep in my heart, where I buried them when I realized my life would never be my own and that I had responsibilities bigger than my own dreams.

“With us? Truthfully? If not, we have plenty of friends, so we can help you find the right fit to explore your dreams?—”

That, right there, reminds me why I’m staying, why I’m fighting, even after everything I’ve done. After all the lies and games, they are willing to help me find my dreams again, even if it means losing their only hope at theirs.

“With you, if you will have me,” I blurt, cutting off Trav’s speech.

They all look at me. “Are you sure?” Kolton asks.

I nod. “If you’ll still have me. I think you’re right. I think we could be something great, and I think after I find the truth, it will be time to live for me as well as her.”

“Then it’s settled,” Trav murmurs, watching me closely. “It’s not going to be easy.”

“Nothing ever is,” I reply softly. “But she’s worth it, and so are you guys.” I reach over and cover their hands. “I’m sorry for lying to you. When I realized . . . well, I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Kolton kisses the back of my hand. “Then let’s take it a step at a time. We’ll practice for the tour, and on our downtime, we’ll look into what happened. Deal?”

“Deal.”

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