I look down and stroke my thumb over the back of her hand. “You could’ve given me the choice. I feel … I guess I just feel like maybe I put myself out there too much. Gave too much, too fast, you know?”
She squeezes my hand hard. “You saved me. In more ways than I can …” She trails off and looks away, blinking hard. “I knew you’d be upset. But know that if it hadn’t been for everything you did for me, I may not be here today.” She looks down at Nadia. “She may not have been here.” She looks back up at me, her eyes pleading. “But I am sorry if I made you feel used or like you did something wrong. That couldn’t be further from the truth. My truth, anyway. And I hope someday it is your truth. You are a good man, Sebastian.”
I slip my hand out of hers and scrub my hands down my face as I process that. On the surface, I get it. But the hurt and self-doubt this has all caused goes much deeper than that.
“Thanks,” I reply hesitantly. “I wish I could say that makes me feel better, but regardless I appreciate the honesty.”
The baby fusses in her arms and she bounces her gently. “Can I give you some more?” she asks, still focused on Nadia. I’m confused until she looks up at me and adds, “Honesty, that is.”
Nerves twist in my gut. “Uhhh … I guess?” I reply hesitantly.
“I missed you,” she says simply. “And I’m glad you’re here. I know it’s unfair, but I hope that we can be … I don’t know, friends maybe?”
I lean back, stunned. That was the last thing I expected her to say. “Thanks for dropping by, have a nice life,” maybe but not “Let’s at least be friends.” That’s like … one of the worst ex slaps in the face.
I realize on some level that there’s a reason that request is like twisting the knife. But I shove that reason deep down.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say automatically.
And I’m a fucking doormat because the look of disappointment on her face makes me want to take the words back instantly. But I stay strong.
“I understand,” she says softly as Nadia’s fussing ratchets up a notch. “I should feed her.”
If her words didn’t clue me in, Nadia’s pawing at Kira’s breast drives it home. And watching her breastfeed her baby is something I can’t handle right now. I shoot out of my chair and back toward the door.
“Take care, Kira.”
She looks like she wants to say something in return, but Nadia won’t be denied any longer, and Kira is forced to turn her attention back to the baby. And it seems like as good a time as any to make my final escape before this woman tramples all over my heart any more than she already has.
* * *
“Ouch. ‘Let’s be friends’ might be three of the worst words to hear coming out of the mouth of the woman you’re in love with,” Ty says shaking his head and taking a deep drink of his beer.
I snort and give him a look. “Yeah. Well. If I was still in love with her, sure. But it’s whatever.” I take a sip of my own drink. I was glad I found Ty already at Enclave when I got here, but now I’m not so sure.
“Seriously, dude?”
I look over at Ty to find him leveling me with a dead stare.
“Seriously, what, bro?” I ask, irritated.
“You totally still love her. At least don’t lie to yourself.”
My hackles immediately rise … followed by the equally alarming knowledge that they only are because he’s not wrong.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he says smugly.
I shake my head and take another drink. “So, what, you’re all wise and shit all of a sudden?” I grumble.
Ty shrugs. “I just know you, dude. And I get that what went down sucked. But it only happened because you’re the best dude I know, and you put yourself out there. Would you really rather that you hadn’t?”
I set my glass down and give him an appraising look. “Jesus, you are all wise and shit all of a sudden.” I pause. “No, I don’t wish it hadn’t happened.”
“And you get why she reacted the way she did.”
I shift uncomfortably. “Yes.” The simple word sinks to the bottom of my heart. Because I do know. I know what she went through. Not that I can even begin to imagine how scared she must have been.
“Then give her a fucking break. Fuck, give yourself a break, Seb. Don’t stop being you just because it bit you in that ass once.”