Page 71 of Gilded Fake

The corner of his mouth lifts in a small, sad smile. “That sounds like a sign that I should stop.”

“It’s fine,” I assure him, pulling him closer with my legs. “Just finish. It’s my stuff. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Okay,” he says slowly. “But that’s beside the point. I don’t want to finish when you’re not into it. I want to hear your stuff, Gloria. Don’t you get that? I want all of it. All of you.”

“I was just being a jealous bitch,” I admit, unable to meet his earnest gaze. “It’s dumb. I know I’m not the first girl you’ve been with or the first girl you loved.”

“And I’m not your first,” he says. “Well, I was, technically. But I’m not the only guy you’ve fucked. I’m not the first guy you’ve loved.”

“No,” I admit. “I loved Rylan, even if it was a fantasy, a dumb first-love kind of delusion. And I guess I loved Royal too in some fucked up way.”

“And I loved Destiny in that simple, shallow, first-love way,” he says. “And Dixie in the fucked up way. But now I have you, and it’s different. Real.”

I swallow hard, dragging my gaze to his. “Really?” I whisper.

“Yeah,” he says, stroking my cheek. “Maybe some people get it right on their first try, but not everyone’s that lucky—or that type. I was young and dumb and in love, and it felt like it would last forever. But in reality, I probably would have fucked it up. I needed to be free and fuck around. I needed to grow, and I guess I’m a slow learner, because I needed to learn how to love someone and get it right. Hell, I still need to learn that. I want to learn it with you.”

My throat tightens, and I swallow, nodding once. “Me too,” I whisper, my voice choked with tears. “I choose you, Colt. I didn’t get to choose any of the others. I never chose anyone but you.”

“What about Royal?”

I shake my head. “No. I didn’t choose him any more than you chose Dixie. I loved him because I needed to love someone, and he chose me. From day one, he chose me. I could go along, or I could fight, but in the end, it wouldn’t have mattered. He always got what he wanted, and he wanted me, for reasons only he will ever really know.”

“I think I know.”

I draw back. “You do?”

“Yeah,” he says, sliding his hand under my neck and tugging me forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. “You’re fierce and strong and tough as hell. God, I thought you were fucking titanium for most of high school. You were so fucking mean. I never would have guessed all this was under there.”

“That was kind of the point,” I say, letting out a shaky laugh. “But I don’t think that’s what Royal saw. I think he saw that he and his brothers had broken us, and taking us in was his way of atoning in some way. I think he thought he was giving me something I genuinely wanted. But I never did.”

“I see that now,” he says. “Even the way you dress changed when you left the group. I dig the punk rock look, by the way. Is that the real you?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “I’m not sure who I am without someone telling me.”

For a minute, we turn our head and stare up at the night sky. The moon is long gone, covered by a thickening layer of clouds.

“You probably would have been like Harper if they left you alone,” Colt muses after a bit. “A badass scholarship chick. No wonder y’all are friends.”

“Yeah,” I whisper. “Maybe.”

“I never really got it, why you stayed after that day in the basement,” he says. “Why you joined them.”

“I didn’t want to,” I say. “But I thought if I went along for a while, I could protect my sisters. I thought we’d have power at the top, and first chance we got, we could get out. That’s how it is at other schools. Popular girls can date any guy they want, and they might leave the group to sit with their new boyfriend. By the time I realized that no one had power at Willow Heights but the Dolces, it was too late. We knew too much, and they wouldn’t let us go. And the punishment for trying…” I break off with a shudder.

“I don’t think your sisters mind too much.”

“No, I guess not,” I say, feeling that hollow ache in my chest that comes whenever I think about them, or Dawson, or my parents. “Maybe things would have been different if we’d talked more, but they really only ever talked to each other. I didn’t know.”

I don’t cry for my sisters anymore, not even when they took Dixie’s side. Even their betrayal doesn’t hurt. I just feel sad for them.

“I’m sorry,” Colt says, drawing me in and holding me close, cradling the back of my head in one hand and wrapping his other arm tight around me. “I didn’t know, either. I didn’t know it was like that for you.”

“I did what I had to,” I say. “And I survived. Just like you.”

“Don’t jinx it,” he says. “We’ve still got a few weeks left until graduation.”

I think of Dixie, how mad she’d be if she found us right now. If she’d drug her own boyfriend to get a proposal, what would she do to him if she found out he was still cheating? What would she do to me?

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