Page 37 of Foolish Games

I picked a “better” one and look what happened. Chaz didn’t turn out to be such a gem after all. Every time I see him walking around with Krissy, a knife twists in my heart—the one he planted in my back. How many times did he assure me that he didn’t see her that way? And does he really expect me to believe they spent the night in the same room and nothing happened?

Krissy makes things even worse, constantly rubbing it in my face. I’m relieved that I don’t sit at their table anymore, since joining Sebastian for lunch is part of being his “girlfriend.” I still have almost all my classes with one or both parts of the happy couple, though. We’re all in advanced classes, and of course Sebastian isn’t, so I can’t even flaunt our fake relationship to dull the pain of their very real one.

“Chaz is so romantic,” Krissy gushes during our science lab on Thursday, where I’m in a permanent group with her and two other girls from the periphery of our circle. She turns to me. “I never noticed it when he was with you, but he’s so attentive. He notices when I’m upset without me even having to say a word. He’s, like, the perfect guy.”

Biting back a response as pain burns into me, I jot down my answer and hand the bouncy ball and string to Rae. I pray Krissy will stop making an awkward situation unbearable and just pretend I don’t exist. Hearing her describe him, I can’t remember why I told Chaz we should take a break to begin with. He did always notice things like that, things that other guys never notice.

Sebastian wouldn’t notice anyone else’s feelings unless they clubbed him over the head with them.

“I’m so glad y’all broke up,” Krissy says, letting out a nervous giggle. “I mean, obviously I’m sorry you got dumped, but I’ve been in love with him since, like, first grade. I never told anyone, but it’s true.”

“I didn’t get dumped,” I say, giving her a look. “We got in a fight. If anything, I broke up with him.”

“Okay,” she says, rolling her eyes at the other girls in our group.

I glare at her, refusing to let their pitying looks get to me. “I did.”

“I said okay.”

“Good.”

I hold the meter stick upright while Rae marks the height the ball bounced.

“I just find it hard to believe,” Krissy says after a tense silence. “I mean, why would you break up with someone who’s basically the perfect boyfriend? Yesterday, he took me to Little Rock to watch the tryout for this national Battle of the Bands thing, just because. Just to find something to do with me, and he heard Edmund Finnegan’s band was playing. We danced in the parking lot until, like, midnight. On a school night! He said he couldn’t stand to let the night end because then he’d have to let me go, and he wouldn’t get to see me until today.”

The other girls cover their hearts and say, “Awww,” their faces all moony at the thought of a guy saying something like that to them, especially one who’s basically the whole package.

Meanwhile, I’m seething. How many times did Chaz say those exact words to me?

“Let me guess,” I say. “He took you for frozen custard while you were down there because there’s nowhere to get ice cream in Faulkner. He got vanilla. And after his first bite, he asked how yours was, and then he said his was good, but it could be sweeter—like you.”

“No,” she says sourly, glaring at me.

It’s obvious she’s lying.

The other two girls glance uneasily back and forth between us, holding their breath.

I just shake my head and don’t answer, leaving her to wonder. I know I’m being petty, but sometimes the situation calls for it. If Krissy wants to talk about Chaz, I can talk about Chaz. I know all his lines. I just never knew they were lines. Stupid ole me thought I was special, that he meant them, that they were just for me.

But I dumped him, and he took his lines with him when he left.

I’ve never felt like such a fool.

Chaz may not be a gorgeous athlete with muscles that make me stupid, but he’s attractive enough. He may not be a foot taller than me and able to snatch me up while I’m walking and carry me in his arms like a princess, but he’s a couple inches taller than me, and I’m sure he could pick me up if he tried. Looks aside, he’s not just passable, he’s perfect. He’s brilliant, ambitious, has a good family who support him, which means he’s sure to be wealthy on his own one day and not just rely on family money. He’s caring and kind and romantic.

And I threw him away over some petty jealousy, trying to get him to prove his love.

Except it’s not petty jealousy, is it? Because my fears turned out to be entirely warranted. He didn’t prove I meant more to him than Krissy. In fact, he proved quite the opposite.

“Anyway,” Krissy says, breaking the silence and turning to Sasha as she takes the string and bouncy ball. “We danced, like, all night. My feet were killing me by the time we left, but it was so totally worth it. He said he didn’t want to stop dancing because then he couldn’t be as close to me.”

Rae and Sasha glance at me like they’re afraid to show it, but they give Krissy the same moony gazes as before, their “aww” a little tentative this time.

I don’t like curbing their enthusiasm, don’t like being the one making this awkward. And I’m the one who should leave, just like I left their lunch table. Rae is new, but Krissy and Sasha and Chaz have known each other their whole lives, while I went to a small Montessori school when they were forming friendships. I’ve known them since starting Faulkner High freshman year, but I never hung out with them until I started dating Chaz last year. Krissy has been friends with Sasha forever.

Another reason I’m second-guessing my decision to break up with Chaz. I didn’t think about the fact that I’d be losing my entire friend group as well as my boyfriend.

I look up from my paper and see them all staring at me, Krissy with a particularly confrontational look on her face.

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