Page 46 of Covetous

“So what are you saying? You want to take a break?”

The conversation is unraveling faster than I expected. I was talking about postponing the wedding, but his mention of a break strikes a chord. We’ve tried everything, short of counseling. Spicing things up, date nights, better communication—still, we end up back where we started.

Deep breath, Skylar. It might be easier over the phone. “Maybe it’s not the worst idea.”

“Who the fuck are we? Ross and Rachel?” His tone is incredulous.

I’m puzzled for a moment. “Who?”

“Never mind. Nineties reference,” he mutters. “I was okay with skipping the weekend, not our entire relationship. It’s like we’re giving up. And I’m not fucking cool with that. We can’t give this up. I can’t give you up. Not without a fight.”

“Can you really say that you’re happy with me? Because it often seems like you’re not. Your mood swings are crazy, and you’re always criticizing me. It’s like I’m not enough for you. And if that’s the case, then maybe?—”

“No.” His voice rises in a desperate plea, the sound cutting through the air like a sharp knife. “Fuck that. You love me, and I love you. We’re just going through a rough patch. But we’ll fix it. We will.” His tone hardens, his resolve unwavering. Despite his efforts to sound confident, there is a tremor in his voice. “We’ve been together for over a year. It hasn’t all been bad. We’ve had some great fucking times.”

“We have,” I acknowledge, the memories a mix of sweet and sour. The way he courted me, the way he loved me—I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. But now…I just don’t know anymore, and it kills me. “But I don’t know if it’s enough anymore.”

“Do you still love me?”

My heart clenches at the question that has plagued me for months. Do I still love him? I gnaw on my lower lip, deciding on which way to go. The answer is complicated. He’s right; we have had some good times. But we’ve had our share of bad times too. A lot of them. And they weren’t all huge blowups that left me crying myself to sleep. Some of our bad times were like tiny cuts that never healed, slowly becoming infected with doubts, insecurities, and pretenses.

Painful truth or comforting lie.

“Skylar.” He snaps me out of my thoughts.

“I love you, Ian. I do. But…” A rush of tears cloud my vision. “I’m not in love with you, and I’m sorry. I?—”

“Fuck!” The sound of glass shattering echoes through the phone.

“Ian,” I choke out, my heart breaking for us both. For minutes on end, I’m a mess of tears, listening to him fall apart on the other end of the line. “Ian,” I say again, softer this time, my voice pleading. Is this all me? He says he loves me, but does he really? Esme’s words keep echoing in my mind. Am I just a trophy to him? Does he want me because he thinks I’m moldable, easy to shape into what he wants?

“What?” He sniffles.

“I think we just need to rediscover?—”

“By taking a fucking break?” His voice breaks with emotion. “No! We’ll find our spark again. I’ll make you fall in love with me all over again. Just don’t leave me. Not like she did.”

I freeze, unsure if he's referring to his mom or his ex-fiancée. Either way, his words slice through me, carving twin grooves of pity and guilt deep in my chest. I shake my head, even though he can’t see me. “I’m not leaving you. Not forever. But this is the best thing. For both of us. We need to know that we’re strong enough on our own before we can truly join together as husband and wife.”

Silence hangs heavy between us as I listen to his deep breaths and stifled sobs. This is the best decision for both of us, no matter how much it hurts in the moment.

“What if at the end of this break, we don’t find our way back to one another?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to soothe the ache in my chest. “Then it was never meant to be.”

“Don’t give up on me, Skylar. You owe it to me—to us—to try. Please, please come back to me. If you want this break”—he sighs—“we’ll take the break. But we’re not canceling the wedding.”

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “We’ll keep the wedding date—for now. But we have to be honest with ourselves and each other.”

Maybe, just maybe, this time apart will bring us back together stronger than ever before, and if that’s the case, I’ll marry Ian without hesitation or doubt. But if not…then maybe it’s time to let go and find our own paths separately. Only time will tell. Ten months from now, we’ll have a clearer picture of what our future holds for us.

Chapter Sixteen

Thoughts of the men in my life keep me from sleep—the one who’s supposed to be my everything and the one who should be nothing more than a thought. I’m considering skipping breakfast to avoid any strange looks. There’s no amount of concealer that will hide that I cried myself to sleep last night. Maybe I’m being presumptuous that anyone would even notice or is even awake.

Victor and I are the only morning people. My heart flutters at the thought of him waiting downstairs with two cups of steaming coffee. But reality sets in around my current circumstances. If I’m taking a break from my fiancé, I have to let my friendship with Victor go too. Ian may never forgive me for breaking his heart, and even if he does, he’ll likely never forget.

As I enter the hallway, I’m surprised when Liv’s door opens, and out walks Smith wearing the same clothes from last night. He gives me a crooked smile before closing the door behind him.

---