Page 16 of Covetous

Our table falls silent as we process her words, tension surrounding us. Without a word, I take another gulp of my mojito and throw some cash on the table. “I’ll take an Uber home.”

Esme grabs my arm as I stand. “Sky, wait. Don’t leave.” Because she looks guilty, I sit back down. “I’m sorry. That was a fucked-up thing to say.”

“It’s fine,” I mutter, staring down at my lap to hide the tears threatening to spill over. Part of me knows she may be right. Am I using Ian to fill a void left by my dysfunctional family?

“No, it’s not fine, so don’t say it is.” Esme takes my hand under the table. “I love you, Sky. You’re my best friend in this whole fucked-up world.”

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat at first. “I’m sorry too.”

Esme’s brow knits in confusion. “For what?”

For feeling things for your boyfriend that I shouldn’t. “You’re not classless. We may not always agree, but I’ll always be there for you.”

“Guys,” Liv whines. “I love y’all.” She thumps her chest twice with her fist.

Despite everything, Esme and I share a giggle. “We love you too.”

“Real talk, though,” Esme starts, her tone serious once again. “He still hasn’t introduced me to his parents. And I’m talking about having his baby.”

“Exactly,” Liv agrees, slamming her hand on the table for emphasis. “So we can put all this crazy talk behind us.”

“Do you love him?” I ask, dreading her answer, as if her loving him or not will make me less of a shitty person.

“No,” she says after giving it some thought. “I could. But I need more from him—emotionally. And if I don’t get it, we’ll keep using each other until the wheels fall off this mutherfucka.”

“I heard that,” Liv says.

“If I’m going to love Victor, I want what Sky and Ian have.”

I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “It’s not always roses and sunshine with us.”

“Y’all having problems?” Esme asks.

Liv’s head falls back with a loud sigh. “God, it’s me again. Should I give up now on finding a good man or what?”

“On paper, it’s what I’ve always wanted,” I confess, feeling vulnerable. “But what’s on paper doesn’t always translate to real life. Lately, he’s been different—a little harsh and brutally honest. It didn’t used to be like that.”

“What do you mean harsh and brutally honest?” Esme asks, concern written on her face.

“Yeah, what Esme said. We’re going to need you to be crystal fucking clear.”

“He’s not the villain in a love story. I know he loves me. But sometimes I wonder if I can make him happy without losing who I am.” I’ve never expressed this, not even to myself, so saying it aloud is ten times harder. “He wants a subservient girl who does whatever he says—no questions asked because he knows everything—and whose life revolves around him and his needs. But it’s not who I want to be. I want to be more independent and more vocal about what I want—want I need for this to work.”

“Tell him how you feel,” Liv stresses. “Because this is not okay.”

“I don’t want to come off as the nagging fiancée. It’s not like I’m perfect, with all my intimacy issues.”

Esme presses her lips together, squinting her eyes in confusion. “Did he tell you that you had intimacy issues?”

“I didn’t grow up in an overly affectionate household. You know that.”

“Fuck that shit. You’re one of the most nurturing people I know,” Esme says.

“Yeah, fuck him,” Liv agrees, sounding like a hype man.

A giggle slips from my lips despite the heavy conversation. “I don’t know what I’d do without y’all.”

Esme rests her head on my shoulder. “Same, girl. Same.”

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