Page 58 of Covetous

I nod as the weight of the lie settles on my shoulders. “Maybe Esme knows we were together last night? Or maybe not. But I don’t think we should volunteer that information,” I say, my voice trembling and my hands shaking.

“Are you sure about that?” Liv steps closer, her whisper as sharp as a shout. “You’re not gonna be with him, right? Because that would be fucked up.”

“No. But I can’t help the way I feel. He?—”

“He didn’t pick you, Sky! Not the first time. He picked Esme. They were in a whole relationship less than a day before y’all ‘talked’ or whatever.” I don’t miss her invisible air quotes around the word talked. “And what about Ian?”

“I told you, we’re on a break.” The words feel flimsy, even to my own ears.

“So what the fuck does that mean? You’re not marrying him? Because you’re sure as shit still wearing that big-ass rock.”

“I don’t know,” I whisper-shout, my voice cracking. “We’ll figure that out.”

“What is there to figure out when you’re in love with another man? And not just any man, but Esme’s man.”

“Ex-man,” I clarify, which doesn’t earn me any favors based on the look Liv gives me.

She stares at me, her lips pressed into a thin line. “I can’t believe you. You’re so fucking selfish.”

“I’m selfish?” That pisses me off, even though it probably shouldn’t.

“I don’t even know you right now.” Disgust twists Liv’s face, her nose wrinkling, and I think that maybe I’ve lost her.

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what, exactly?”

I toss my hands up, feeling helpless. “Anything, everything—I don’t know.”

She shakes her head, the anger flashing in her eyes turning into what looks like disappointment. “No, Sky. I’m not going to tell her. It’ll break her. And she needs her real friends right now. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” Guilt gnaws at my insides, creating a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Without another word, Liv turns on her heel and heads back into the house, her footsteps heavy on the wooden porch. I sink to the ground, my back against the rough wall, as I bury my face in my hands.

Chapter Twenty-One

Every day drags on without Victor. It’s been a month since Cape Cod, and I don’t miss him any less.

School used to be my sanctuary, a place where I could lose myself in lectures and assignments. I naively thought that graduate school would provide an escape, given the immense workload. However, even the thrill of learning and the countless hours of lectures and assignments can’t compete with the Victor-shaped hole in my heart.

Simply put, I’m struggling. Struggling to focus. Struggling to get over him. Struggling to do what’s right. Even in my sleep, I can’t escape him. He haunts my dreams, leaving me wondering if he’s thinking of me, too, and if this has been easier for him.

The aftermath of Cape Cod hasn’t helped. After Smith and Victor left, our trip went downhill fast. Esme retreated to her room, emerging only for food and water, blaming it on a hangover. Liv and I kept to opposite corners of the house, with her occasionally checking on Esme. The flight home was no better. Esme wore her sunglasses the entire time, her expression clearly saying “don’t talk to me.” So I didn’t. I kept to myself, and nothing has changed since.

In an attempt to cope, I’ve thrown myself into wedding planning with an almost obsessive fervor. From picking out flowers and sampling cakes to trying on wedding dresses, it’s all a way to keep busy while my heart shatters a little more each day. Ian’s been so busy with work that he hasn’t noticed my mood changes, or at least, he hasn’t asked. But the hollow feeling inside me grows, and missing Victor has become a full-time state of mind. I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending that I’m okay, that I don’t feel like I’m suffocating.

When a lifeline appears in the form of a birthday party invitation from Isabella for her little sister’s sweet sixteen, I gladly take the bait to see Victor again. As I walk up to the Jameses’ huge mansion, Stella’s birthday party is in full swing. The red carpet is alive with an electric buzz of excitement, with cameras flashing and country music setting the beat for my pounding heart. The prospect of seeing Victor again fills me with a mix of anticipation and trepidation, but I know I can’t pass up this opportunity, no matter how bittersweet it may be.

I clench my invitation in a firm grip, my free hand smoothing out my party dress, trying to calm my jittery nerves, but it’s not really working. After I hand over my invite and ID, security pats me down before I pose for a picture in front of a whimsical flower-covered backdrop.

Stepping inside, I’m blown away by the enchanted garden fantasy come to life. Flowers and vines hang from every corner, and twinkling fairy lights make everything glow. Despite the laughter and music pulsing through the room, all I can think about is the ache in my chest.

“Skylar!” Stella’s voice cuts through the crowd, her blond curls bouncing as she runs toward me. Her tight hug and infectious energy make the ache fade for a moment. “Thanks for coming!” She starts talking about her new pink Jeep, a birthday gift from her parents, but I’m only half listening, my eyes scanning the crowd for Victor. Eventually, Stella is pulled away by her friends, and I’m left alone to wander.

As I make my way through the packed crowd, my anticipation grows by the second. Across the room, Isabella stands out like a glittering emerald gem in her green party dress, arm-in-arm with her silver-fox dad, with her elegant-looking mom on his other side. Excusing herself from them, she rushes over and loops her arm through mine. “Yay! You made it. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I reply, forcing my lips into a small smile that feels unnatural these days.

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