Page 48 of Desperate Measures

“Nothing has changed where we’re concerned.” The rugged Nobek’s eyes blazed in fury. “What is in your head? Are you going to ask Shalia to leave Clan Seot? They’re the fathers of her children! She loves them. And what of Resan? He and Shalia walk on eggshells to maintain a polite environment in each other’s company.”

“They don’t have any real reason for their dislike. If they could figure out why—”

Oses apparently had no inclination to allow Betra to finish a statement. He interrupted again. “Do you think they enjoy being at odds? You and I are important to both of them. If they could overcome their aversion to each other, they would have done so for our sake years ago. Even they admit there’s no sense in their mutual animosity, but it’s there, and it isn’t going away.”

“She still loves us. I know she does.”

“Of course she does, which is why you go into a tailspin every few visits. But she is a clanned woman. A happily clanned woman, to whom we offer no better future. There’s a reason we’ll never have a Matara, and it isn’t just because you and I couldn’t love someone as we do Shalia. You understand exactly what I’m talking about.” Oses’ voice had deepened to a warning growl.

“Are you saying if she chose us instead, you’d refuse her?”

“Yes.” Oses stepped close, so his bigger frame loomed over Betra. He knew how intimidating he was. When he leaned close so their noses were only inches apart, the Imdiko cringed.

“Stop it. I’ll back off.”

“You’d better. Leave her alone, Betra, or I’ll take it out on your hide…and not the way you like it. Shalia is our past where love is concerned. Accept it, or I promise you, I’ll see to it we never visit her again.”

Betra gaped at him in disbelief. When he saw Oses meant it, he wheeled around and hurried away, walking blindly through the grassland.

His feelings were a storm of emotions. Oses had worn a determined look when he’d vowed to cut them off from Shalia. Oses, whom Betra knew loved her as much as he did.

How could he accept what they’d lost? Yes, Shalia did have a devoted clan, but Betra and Oses had been there first.

“We saved her life. She saved ours too. She gave me and Oses our clanship,” he muttered. Born a rare strictly heterosexual Kalquorian male, Betra hadn’t entertained the option of male clanmates. His love and affection for Oses, while deep, didn’t include the sort of intimacy the bisexual majority of Kalquorians expected. It had been Shalia’s influence that had helped them find a path to the caring if unconventional relationship they’d forged…and had enabled Betra to accept Resan as a valued lifelong companion as well.

If Betra could claim the happiness and longstanding love he had thought impossible, then surely Resan could bury his enmity for Shalia. They could have a life together. Clan Seot was an obstacle, and yes, she loved them but…

“We were there first, and we loved her best. She would have stayed if it had been allowed then.” Betra had no doubts on the score. Even his consuming wanderlust and inability to remain in one place for any length of time, the obstacle Oses had alluded to, wouldn’t have been the insurmountable dealbreaker they’d believed it was.

Clan Resan and Shalia could have been. They should have been.

* * * *

That night, Betra stood alone outside the home built in the hillside where his clan, Clan Seot, and Resan’s parents and grandmother sat around the fire in the vast common room. He’d left them describing the day’s adventures to Shalia. Ejia had made his first actual solo kill, and a celebration was in full swing. It had been easy to slip off to breathe the cool night air and listen to the sounds of nocturnal reptilian drils sing their songs to the stars and moons.

He'd had to escape. Seeing Imdiko Cifa curled next to Shalia, holding her as Betra used to, was torture. He stared at the pitch blackness that revealed only the slightest hint of the grasslands and wrestled with the unfairness of fate.

“It isn’t easy to let go of whom you adore above all else, even when it’s right.”

Betra started as Matara Nekis glided to his side. “My lady, you move as silently as a Nobek.”

“You don’t make it sound like a compliment.”

He flushed at her amusement and was glad the darkness hid his embarrassment. “You surprised me. No offense was intended.”

“I didn’t take it as such.” He felt her regard as much as saw the gleam of her eyes on him. “You weren’t merely startled. You’re struggling, Betra.”

“Is it so obvious to those besides my clanmates?”

“Long ago, I also loved madly and lost. I won’t bore you by reciting the details, but I spent many years mourning what I couldn’t keep. After I was clanned to the best possible men you could imagine, my heart ached for others. I’m ashamed to admit I failed to appreciate what I’d won for a long time.”

Betra swallowed. “I can’t stop thinking we should have had a real chance.”

“You love her.”

“With everything I am.”

“Do you? Really? You did once. You loved her enough to give her the opportunity to find those who could give her a life you couldn’t. What’s changed?”

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