This was totally inappropriate and insane, and so many different things all wrapped into one. I shouldn’t be thinking or feeling this way. It was only a matter of time before I had to leave Pickle Quest, and I didn’t really know Peter.
Getting into any kind of relationship came with serious consequences. My father would kill him. Not out of any parental concern, but because he was my dad. He would do anything to hurt me, especially if he thought I had feelings for Peter. Which I didn’t.
I didn’t know what love was, or how you were supposed to feel about a man. I didn’t even love my parents. To me, love was a feeling that was meant to be strong. It was a feeling that had power over everything else. I wasn’t stupid, I didn’t think love would heal all wounds or any of that crap. I knew love had the ability to make pain heal.
I didn’t know why I was thinking about this now. The lunch shift had already come and gone. Now was the lull, when I cleaned tables and filled empty containers. Customers didn’t like when salt or pepper were out. I also had to replace mayonnaise.
Taking a deep breath, I glanced around the diner, checked to see the familiar faces, trying to make sure no one snuck up on me. I’d been tempted to phone my mother lately, to see if I could get an update. I know she’d lie for my father. If I called her, that might alert her to my presence. This was all insane.
This was the part of running away I didn’t think about. The part of not knowing what he was doing. If he even cared what was happening. I didn’t even know if my father was out looking for me. There was no way to get in touch. I hated this. All I wanted was to live my life as far away from him as humanly possible.
I wanted to be alone and be free. I didn’t know if I would ever get that.
Being the bastard daughter, I thought I would have more freedom. I wasn’t a good enough child for him, and yet there were times I did feel more trapped by being this person to him. What did he want with me? If I wasn’t a good enough daughter, why bother to find me? I could spend days trying to figure something out, but the truth was, I think it was a power trip for him.
Why did Peter have to do this? I didn’t like the challenges this caused.
That kiss shouldn’t mean anything. I was a woman of twenty-five and yet, that was my first kiss. But it was just a kiss. People kissed each other all the time and it didn’t have to mean anything. For all I knew, Peter was just using me to have his own fun, and that wasn’t a problem. Or was it?
I was so confused now.
The lull picked up for the dinner rush, and I was pleased to not think about Peter. It would only be a matter of hours before he was waiting for me, or maybe he wouldn’t be. Maybe one of the women who kept flirting with him at the gym would finally pique his interest.
I was not free now. I didn’t have the freedom to kiss a random guy.
The minutes ticked by, and finally, the dinner rush came to an end, and all too soon, I finished helping with the cleanup, and then it was my time to leave.
The other waitresses were used to my lack of conversation. I didn’t make friends easily as a kid, or as a grown-up. It was hard to make friends when you didn’t know how your parents were going to react. My mother didn’t like me bringing friends around. She always wanted to make sure her home was free and available to Finn at all times.
Seeing as he didn’t do everything legal, that meant no friends. It probably didn’t help matters that I was also socially awkward. Like with Peter. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
He kissed me, and I pretty much stood there like a statue, not sure what to do next. He must be so embarrassed of me.
Stepping out into the night, I was not surprised to see him waiting for me. Like so many times before, he leaned against his car.
“You know, you don’t have to wait for me. If you’ve got stuff to do, I’m happy to walk home on my own.” I’d been doing it before he came around.
He released a sigh and stepped closer. “I know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but this time I’m not going to let you be.” He pulled open the door to his car. “Come on. I’m taking you back to my place.”
“Your place?” There was no way I was getting into that car. Maybe this is what it was all about. Luring me into a false sense of security, and when my guard was down, he would throw me into his prison cell. It made perfect sense to me. I was a little afraid. Who wouldn’t be?
Peter closed the distance between us. I should learn to turn on my heel and run, but I have a problem. When under threat, I can’t seem to make myself move. It was impossible.
Suddenly, he gripped the back of my neck, and before I even knew what was happening, his lips were close to mine. I couldn’t think or form any words. I was at his mercy.
“Trust me.”
And then he kissed me. At first, it started out soft, gentle, almost the merest breath of a whisper. Until he changed, and then I found myself putting my hands on his chest. Only, I wasn’t pushing him away, but in fact fighting for him to get closer to me.
That was what I wanted—him, as close as possible, which made absolutely no sense.
****
The Beast
I was used to wiping away blood from my hands. It was no different than wiping dust, or engine oil, dirt of any kind. The man that was now dead was part of Finn Byrne’s clan. He’d been getting a little too close to Ivan Volkov’s current problem.
Speaking of Ivan, he chose that moment to step inside the mess. We were currently working from an abandoned warehouse. I’d already called my cleaning crew and they were on the way over. Ivan needed to be gone before they arrived.