“Well, maybe I should just forget about you, Matteo.” I grit my teeth to fight back the tears that rush to the surface.
He sighs again. “Don’t be that way. I really am sorry, Ray. I’ll make it up to you; next time, promise.”
I huff out an angry breath. “Well, it sounds like there’s plenty of people there. Lots of girls. So you go and have fun. Don’t worry about me.”
I hang up before he can answer.
The text comes a few minutes later, as I wipe the mess of tears from my face.
The only girls here are family friends. It’s a family obligation that I couldn’t get out of, Rennie. You know I’d rather be with you. Sorry I forgot to message you. We’ll raincheck.
I don’t bother sending a reply. I was such an afterthought, so why give him the time? I’m only setting myself up for heartache. I’m so fed up with my shitty life. Matteo is the one bright spark. He’s cautious not to make a mistake that would uncover our secret relationship, but I’m tired of hiding. I leave the cafe and walk home; not even the bright sun or the hungry stares of men old enough to know better are able to make me feel better.
Power is all that matters, I tell myself. I still have it. After all, the one thing I have that I know Matteo wants is my virginity, and that is something he won’t get unless he starts to treat me better.
The next day, there’s a knock at the door, and when my name is called by the maid, I traipse down the stairs, still feeling as if the world is out to get me. “Delivery for a Miss Renata Andretti,” the man at the door says.
“That’s me.”
He grins and hands me the large, shiny bag. It’s full of crinkly paper, and when I look inside, there’s a soft white polar bear with a love heart on its chest. There’s also a box of chocolates and a note.
Sorry that I forgot our meet-up yesterday. -M
I grin to myself as I run to my room. I felt awful after he stood me up yesterday, but now, he’s sent me a gift, and my heart warms at the thoughtfulness.
In a week it’s his eighteenth birthday. He promised once he’s joined the family business officially and has earned his father’s respect, we can be together. How long that will take, no one really knows, and I don’t know if I can hang on much longer. Yesterday, it seemed as if I was nothing to him, but now I think he might feel the same way for me as I do for him.
The week passes in a happy blur. I don’t get to see Matteo, but we do get the chance to talk on the phone one night when both our parents are out.
He hasn’t mentioned his birthday, so I don’t bring it up either. I haven’t heard anything about a party, and I’m not sure if he’ll be having a family meal or something. I have him a gift, though. It’s a line drawing of a classic Ferrari, and it cost me over two hundred pounds to have it drawn to commission. I’m so excited to give it to him. I saved for almost a year.
Finally, as the weekend draws close, I message him.
Hey there, it’s almost your birthday. Are you excited?
It’s just another day, really.
What are your plans to celebrate?
Dinner with family. Nothing special.
Cool. Hopefully we can meet soon. I have a gift for you. X
He replies almost instantly.
Thanks for the gift; you shouldn’t have. We can meet next week.
I sigh. I wanted to see him on his birthday, which is Saturday, but I can’t insist if he has family plans.
Cool. Let me know a time and a place.
* * *
I’m reading, bored, and too hot. It’s a stifling summer day where the humidity in England makes the heat unbearable, unlike in Italy where it’s glorious.
My phone buzzes, and I grab for it, my heart picking up. Maybe Matteo has decided to sneak out and meet me today.
It’s not from him, though, but from Jilly, my best friend and the only person in my circle who knows about Matteo and me.